Helga Geraldine Pataki, known for her infamous unibrow and tendency toward violence, has a love for a boy she pretends to hate. Between yelling "football head" and using any opportunity to humiliate him, Helga made sure Arnold never knew of her secret feelings. Meanwhile, a shrine of half eaten food, photos and, most impressively, a sculpture of Arnold made of his ABC (already been chewed in case you don't remember your childhood slang) gum sits in her closet.
While her methods of dealing with a crush were a bit extreme, it is a strategy we have all done. If you pretend you crush doesn't exist or, even better, that you hate him, maybe they will never know of the thirst we have for their attention.
Here are 13 ways we can all relate to Helga and her unhealthy love of the boy with the football head.
When you have a crush...
1. You die a little inside when they compliment you, because, “Hey, nice bow,” obviously translates into, “Hey, you’re a gorgeous gal and I want to date you.”
2. Or you take the coy route and try to play off their compliments by pretending you don't need their words of affirmation.
3. I mean, it's a hard knock life when you know you’re a catch and you have no idea why they don’t jump on the chance to date a dime like you.
4. Maybe you try to convince yourself that you haven’t caught feelings; that a guy doesn’t have the power to make you feel “goofy.”
5. Or you get a little obsessive, possessive and preoccupied with a love story you may or may not have made up in your head.
7. So you try to put them out of your mind and think of every flaw you have ever noticed about them. Too bad you can never seem to remember any.
8. Because... well put, Helga. Well put.
9. And you use those special feelings only a crush can give you in the best way you can. Whether it is Taylor Swift writing a hit pop song or the average girl doodling in a journal, people are always using their crush as a source of inspiration.
10. But for some reason, your crush has a tendency to talk to you about their love life, which is actually the least ideal conversation ever, but you always wonder if it's you he is talking about.
11. And if you (God forbid) accidentally spill the beans about your feelings, you play it off. "Me? Love you? No, I said I loaf you. You know, like bread. 'Cause your soft and warm and beautiful and smell like a perfect mix of lumberjack and aftershave... wait, what?"
12. At the peak of your desperation, you may even be willing to negotiate and your love knows no price limit.
13. But no matter how your love story ends, you know you are never alone.
