I used to have a friend who I’d converse with up until 4 a.m., and we could talk about anything and everything — space, future goals, farting, consequences from farting and life in general. I remember him telling me one night, “Life’s a bit fuzzy right now. I don’t know what I want to do with my life and as sad as it sounds, that’s the one thing I’m completely sure of. I think if I ever have kids, I would want to tell them hey, it’s OK to quit. I’ll still be proud.” My initial thought was yeah OK only losers say that. So I asked him why. I wish I remembered his response, word-for-word, but lo and behold, I didn’t. So this is my remake:
Everyone wants to be the next _________ or the greatest _________ of all time. No one can afford to go to college, yet no one can afford to not go to college. When we’re at college, we choose our area of study wisely because “my mom isn’t paying 30k for me to become some social worker.” Some of us pursue our goals, not out of desire, but out of inclination. Education is thus viewed as the trophy wife you bring home to your conservative, idealistic parents who won’t settle for anything less because “I didn’t raise you this way, Tommy.”
And that’s just education.
So I’m going to remix what my friend said that night and add “It’s OK to quit… living a life you didn’t intend on living.” I don’t think this article will resonate with some people, and that’s alright with me. Some may even view my statement as rather ignorant. I won’t object because like I’ve implied it’s not easy. Admitting that you don’t want to follow this laid-out blueprint of a life is a gutsy move that some may view as, well, stupid*.
But hear me out:
My younger brother has a friend who doesn’t go a single day without being compared to. His most common utterance is, “My mom keeps saying she wishes you were her son.” Whatever he achieves, whatever he has to offer is never good enough to his mother because truth-be-told, there will always be someone who can achieve more, who can offer more. At his age, that must be one of the most distressing realizations he could come to.
“I ran away the other day because I was sick of it.”
“My mom keeps asking what your mom feeds you so I can look more like you.”
“She said if I couldn’t get a higher score, I’d get kicked out of the house.”
I think, as idyllic as living an extraordinary life sounds, it’s not the life some people choose to have. Two recent deaths by suicide has impacted my community and has made me rethink what it means to truly live a well-deserved life. I could drone on and on as to what that means, but I think I’ll leave it at this: my loser friend was right.
*But truly, if you want to be the next Kobe Bryant or the next Meryl Streep, by all means, fulfill that dream of yours. I’m not trying to s--t on dreams; I’m trying to allow people to come to the realization that if their dreams aren’t their dreams, it’s OK to change it. And if their dream isn’t as drastic as their parents (or society) has dreamt it up to be, that’s alright too.
