There’s always that one person in every friend group: the mom friend.
And I, after much denial and the fourth time that month of having chosen to have my sweet wine while everyone else went for the shots, finally admitted that I might just be the mom of my college friends.
We, true to mom-ness, never fail to magically have hand sanitizer for the resident germophobe, a charger for the phone addict whose battery seems to always be on 2 percent and a never-ending supply of gum in whatever flavor your little heart desires.
We are the ones who have perfected the art of nagging you to quit procrastinating until midnight the night before an assignment is due or, for the love of all that is holy, to actually clean your room every once in a while, and yet you still love us (love, love to hate—tomato, too-mah-toh).
But don’t let our excitement about the fact that fanny packs and Rachel Green-style mom jeans are making a comeback fool you. I mean, every once in a while, we go a little crazy and stay out past midnight or have TWO margaritas at dinner (only when we feel really wild, though)
Here are 10 ways that mean you might just be cool enough to be part of the Mom Friend Club, too:
1. You can't NOT say something when your friend is about to make a questionable decision.
The ultimate double-standard of any mom friend... we can't deny it.
2. You're the one everyone comes to for "life talks."
From late-night rants while getting ice cream about how life is falling apart to come-to-Jesus talks after they've hooked up with and been ditched by the same douchebag for the 17th time, your friends know they can always come to you, no judgments.
3. You constantly have to get updates from your friends on what’s “cool.”
Your sheltered-ness is cute... really.
4. Words of affirmation are your specialty.
Your friends can always count on you for a good ol' (maybe just a little WAY too enthusiastic) pep talk or self-esteem boost. Compliments are free, people!
5. But the traumatizing effects of your mom glare can be blamed for many hours of therapy, too.
The true mom friend has this DOWN. It's the stare that can stop anyone in his or her tracks, chill them to the bone and make them want to hide in a corner and call their real mom.
6. Your purse/bag is basically a Mary Poppins-style pharmacy.
Umm, there is no such thing as being overprepared. Chapstick, Advil and emergency hair ties have saved many nights--it's a fact. Look it up.
7. You apologize to strangers for the behavior of your friends.
There are inevitably going to be those nights when one friend (or all of them, if you're lucky) drinks a wee bit too much and ends up spilling their drink all over someone or spouting profanities in front of the Uber driver, and the mom friend is always following in their wake, armed with apologies and awkward conversation.
8. You have a sixth sense when it comes to knowing when someone is upset.
Which makes the bugging them incessantly by asking if they are OK 20 billion times until they crack and tell you what's wrong totally justified.
9. Your friends are always surprised when you are the one who does something crazy.
Mom friends like to go a little wild now and again, too, OK?
10. You ALWAYS send the "be safe," "text me when you're home" or "call me if you need a ride" texts.
And you will send 10 texts in a row, call her roommate and break into her third-story window if there is no reply for hours on end.
Most importantly, though, your friends know they can always count on you, no matter what. You may show them tough love sometimes, but that's just because no one loves your friends like you do. It's just not possible.
