Online dating is a tricky subject. With the convenience of free apps that allow you to either look deep into the void for that special someone, or even blindly flip through a hundred or so pictures only to stop on a few to see if they want a fling, online “dating” has certainly become more common.

However, there is still the hesitance of admitting that you met your significant other on Tinder or Match.com or some other site of that nature. And worse yet is the fear of someone finding out that you owned an account on one of these sites and that you still haven’t met anyone. It implies desperation—that you weren’t good enough to find love in a more “natural” way OR online.

However, I personally think it’s a lovely concept and if used for their intended purpose, dating sites have the potential to be successful, and even a little fun!

I like to think of the classic “Chick-flick” with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, “You’ve Got Mail,” as a golden example. Granted, that was before iPhones and dating apps, but in the most simplistic form, “You’ve Got Mail” encompasses what all online dating has the potential to accomplish. The back and forth email/chat conversations force them to get to know the person’s mind before checking off items on the personal physical attraction list (although it is Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan…so they’re both completely gorgeous).

Of course, when considering a long-term, romantic relationship, physical attraction is an important factor, but because it’s the first thing we generally notice when we meet people in person, our mind has the tendency to say no to someone just for how they look.

Unfortunately, because a bond is formed without necessarily having to meet in person, the danger of anonymity is very present. To fully pursue a relationship through online dating, a certain amount of trust is necessary. And with trust comes the high risk of getting let down and hurt. Although, high risk gains high reward, I suppose. I know of several friends who have met someone through Tinder and are now in committed, loving relationships, so I do know that it’s possible.

The best part, in my opinion, is that online dating offers a platform for people to put everything out there from the start and people searching for a relationship will be able to meet other people who are also looking for a relationship. When taking the more conventional route to dating, we run the risk of wasting our time with someone who doesn’t want the same things that we do. Online dating, assuming that the parties included are being honest with their profiles, basically eliminates that risk.

I think on some level, we all secretly hope to experience that Hallmark movie moment where we meet the someone we’re supposed to be with. We’ll run into each other’s arms and kiss while some cheap cover of a George Michael song comes on in the background. It’s snowing or raining or some other form of romantic precipitation and the struggles we’ve gone through won’t matter anymore because the movie is over and as the screen fades to black, we know without a doubt that we will live happily ever after.

But there is no such thing as pursuing a life-long partnership without doubt. No matter what decision we make, it is in our nature to look back and wonder if we made the right decision.

The biggest problem with dating culture in modern society is unrealistic expectations. It is especially problematic that those expectations are almost entirely dependent on how we are raised and what we are taught to believe about love.

I’ve always been fascinated with why my mother loves Hallmark movies and soap operas so much (though she will claim she doesn’t actually like them). It’s always so easy to poke holes in the seemingly perfect relationship and point out discrepancies in the storylines. But when I would laugh and point these out, my mother would get angry with me and say that I shouldn’t analyse it, I should just watch and enjoy.

I understand doing that with fiction, but we often apply the same logic to our real life. If it’s alarmingly easy to point out serious problems with your romantic (and even sometimes platonic) relationships, they shouldn’t be ignored just because of your affection toward them. Being “in love” is not an excuse to put your heart and mind in a dangerously unhealthy situation. In my opinion, the concept of unconditional love should be reserved for Parents to their children and vice versa.

To quote one of my favourite songs by Ingrid Michaelson, “just because there once was love, doesn’t mean a thing.” If something comes up that changes the situation and your gut tells you to leave that situation, don’t let your sentimental urge to hold on to something that’s already gone keep you from making the wisest choice you can make.

An example that I think illustrates what I mean quite well can be found in the CW series “Jane the Virgin,” which is an impressively well-written and well-performed romance/comedy. I’ll be vague in my elaboration so to avoid giving away spoilers. The female lead, Jane, is completely in love with this man, we’ll call him Richard, but as they continue to pursue their relationship, both Jane and Rich start to recognize how fundamentally different they are from each other. They discuss their values about religion, raising children, valuing money over family, and valuing love over success, etc. Though Jane is a proud, “hopeless romantic,” she realises that loving Rich, flaws and all, might not be enough to make the relationship work long term.

This particular CW hit has more conflicts than I can keep up with, but this particular conflict taught me something I wasn’t expecting: our expectations of what it will be like to fall in love can wreck us and our chances of obtaining happiness in our romantic pursuits. Had Jane stayed with Rich because of her affection, and ignored all of the rationale indicating it was time to break things off, she would find herself in an even worse situation.

We must accept each other and our differences, but we must also accept ourselves and recognize what factors might be deal breakers for us. Giving up our values will only lead to resentment and loss of one’s self later on. Being in love doesn’t feel so powerful when you’re years down the road with multiple kids, and a marriage with someone you blame for derailing your life.

This opinion of mind might serve as a big surprise to many who know me. I love love, but I am not a hopeless romantic. And I am not thrown off by unconventional methods of falling in love. If you meet your person online, good for you! I think it’s beautiful that you found each other while both actively searching for someone special. I wish there was something similar for platonic relationships—though I suppose that’s what Tumblr is for