The pain of losing you is suffocating. I am treading water that has a depth that terrifies me looking for a way out, feeling guilty because I know this isn’t what you would want. You wouldn’t want tears to settle in my eyes every time I hear a song on the radio that makes me think of you or when the fresh summer breeze brings me back to countless nights at your house but they do. They appear randomly, when least expected in between the lyrics of a song about losing someone. I am suffocating in the silence of not hearing your voice or the lose of warmth from your hugs.

I miss you.

Thank you for being my biggest fan for countless years. For never missing a game, school function, picture opportunity, or dinner at McDonalds. I never expressed how thankful I was for all that you’ve done for me and I am so sorry that I don’t have the chance to now, but I know you know how much it meant to me. You were the best grandpa there ever was and it was clear to everyone that knew you. You loved us fiercely and I promise that we felt the same about you. You were the one in the middle, holding us all together, picking up the pieces of any pain we felt no matter what.

I miss you.

If I could do it again I promise I would pick up the phone and call you more. You’d answer a huffy hello because I woke you from your afternoon nap and we would talk about how we are helping each other out because both of us weren’t doing a thing. I would say I love you more when we hung up the phone and hug you tighter every time we say goodbye. I promise I would always take you up on offers to do something even if it wasn’t something I was interested in. I promise that I would have been better.

I miss you.

You taught me to be strong, to be kind and to always remember those that are with me. You taught me to love those around me more than I have ever loved before because everything could change in the matter of seconds. You have shown me the unconditional love that one could share with another because you yourself loved everyone in our family that way. You showed me the type of life I want and that you must work hard to accomplish your dreams. I promise to teach those things to my children someday, since they wont have the greatest man I’ve ever known to be there to teach them himself.

I miss you.

I know the days will get better with time, isn’t that what they say? But today isn’t the day. Today my heart will ache more than it ever has before because you were gone so suddenly. Today my heart will hurt for the people who knew you and the people who never got the chance to. But most of all today, I will be a better person because of you and I will follow the morals you have taught me through every move I make. I will make you proud, or at least I will try to. So, today, I will have heartache strong enough to bring on a hurricane and tears may fall from my eyes, but I will be okay.

I will always miss you.