When you left this world, I simply didn't know what to do.
I knew you were in a better place, and I knew you were no longer hurting, but that didn't make my heart feel any less empty. That didn't numb the pain that seemed endless and unstoppable. You were the first thing I thought about in the morning, and the last thing that went through my mind before bed. Throughout the day, memories of you flooded my brain.
Time has inevitably passed, and I still miss you always. I've learned that time doesn't necessarily heal wounds - we just become stronger and better at dealing with them. The hole in my heart will never be filled, but I've learned how to operate with a missing piece.
I still miss you always, but there are days when I miss you more. It's not when I'm sad or angry, although I miss you then as well. I miss you the most on my happy days, because beautiful days remind me of your beautiful soul.
When I'm feeling on top of the world, I want to share this joy with you. I want to call you to tell you about my exciting accomplishment at work. I want to update you on the latest guy who's caught my interest. I want to show you my new clothes from the mall, because you always had the best style. I want you to read my research paper that I worked extremely hard on, because I valued your opinion more than anything.
When I'm laughing with our friends, I want to hear your laughter, too. When I'm sitting by the fire at home, I want you next to me roasting a marshmallow. When I successfully cook something, I want you to tell me you're proud of me, considering you were always a much better chef. When our favorite songs come on the radio, I want you riding shotgun in my car, practically screaming the lyrics with me.
When I get engaged, I'll wish you were there to hug me afterward. When I walk down the aisle, I'll look to the altar and know you would have been my maid of honor. When I deliver my first baby, there will be one "Aunt" missing - because even though we weren't related by blood, I always considered you my sister. When I'm 70 years old, sitting on my front porch, I'll look at the rocking chair next to me and wish you were there.
While I miss you dearly when I'm happy, this emotion reminds me that your spirit remains on Earth. It allows me to cling to your memory, even though I can't make any new memories with you. I find comfort in missing you, because it keeps you close to my heart. I'm reminded that while I can't see you, I know you never truly left. When I miss you more than anything, I know I'm blessed to have known you.
I miss you the most on my happy days, but that's also when I feel your presence the strongest.
I miss you the most on my happy days, but I know you're with me, because you wouldn't miss those moments for the world.
I miss you the most on my happy days, but I know you're smiling at my accomplishments.
I miss you the most on my happy days, but I know you're proud of me.
I will never stop missing you, love, but I know you're always with me. I wish I could hear you still, but I know you're always listening. I miss you the most on my happy days, but I hope those days never end, because they will always remind me of you.
