I don't know what happened to the girl that I used to be. The one who had no worries. The one who didn't have to question what she would become because she knew that she would be successful and great. I miss the girl who was so easy going and stress-free. The girl who was always smiling and she didn't think about whether she was actually happy. I want to know where that girl went. If she could look at who she's become, she would be so disappointed and outraged because she would be looking at a stranger. She would be looking at someone who looked just like her but was so beaten down and empty inside that she was almost unrecognizable. I want to know where that girl may have disappeared off to because I'd really like to get her back.
Maybe it was the insults that did it. Maybe the things people said finally got to her and drove her away into hiding. It could've been the kindness she put out so many times but rarely received or maybe she was just tired. It may have even been her trust that slowly dwindled down to nothing that caused her to run off. I'll never know what it was exactly that caused the girl that I used to be to simply vanish but she didn't just disappear at one time. That girl was taken away piece by piece and I can't seem to get her back and maybe I never will. She was eccentric and loving and trusting and proud. She was beautiful and strong and she didn't back down. That girl was something to treasure. She cared what people thought but did her own thing anyway. She knew that she was important and that she had so much to give. She knew her worth.
The girl that I used to be would never contimplate taking her own life, it would've never crossed her mind. The girl that I used to be would never be ashamed that she loves to read and write and sing. The girl that I used to be would never say never, she would believe and have absalute certainty that she could do anything she put her mind to. The girl that I used to be would never be so blind.
Sometimes I really want her back because she would know what do if she was feeling this empty and low. At this point right now without her, I don't have a clue. I am lost without that girl that I used to be. But that girl is long gone so I need to work on myself. I need to patch up what wounds I have and walk on as if she is still here. I need to be this new girl that I've become.
