It was Friday, and I was about to head back to college for the spring semester when my dad got a text that my grandfather had passed away. I didn't have time to process it while I went back to school. My mom picked me up that Tuesday and we drove to my grandpa's funeral and she promptly returned me to my dorm room. Sitting alone without homework to worry about yet, I decided to write him a letter. This is that letter.
I know you've only been gone a week, but I can already feel the space that is missing without you here. I know you wouldn't want me to be sad so I just want to say a few things. I want you to know that I rushed Chi Omega at your favorite college in the world. I know you left us before I even had the chance to go back, but that makes it better because I know you and grandma were able to watch over me together. I am so excited.
I'm sorry for not saying goodbye at Christmas, I was just so scared because I didn't want you to leave me yet. It's been really hard for me to understand that I was losing you, and I don't know if it will ever sink in that you are gone. Grandma was a little easier because I still had you, but losing you means we may lose the place where I grew up. I will always think about the millpond and you sitting on the swing or standing on the docks. Your huge bonfires that you would always make for things like 4th of July. I'll miss your prayers at Christmas and Thanksgiving. But most of all I miss you, and I miss knowing that I had a grandpa, one who was so supportive and kind and loved my college and most importantly loved me.
I wanted you to be able to meet my husband and my kids, but I know that you are where you should be. I am so happy that you are with God and I hope you and Grandma are back together again. I miss you both so much. I want to thank you for being the best grandparents a kid could want. You guys came to my softball tournament in Holland just to support me and I love you for that.
Thank you, Grandpa, for teaching my dad how to be an amazing parent. I am so blessed by everything that you have given to us by teaching him. Thank you, Grandma, for teaching him to be loving always, even when it's hard. I hope someday I can live my life out for you. God gave me a blessing when he gave me my dad, but I won the lottery when he gave me this family you have created. You two have shown me what real love looks like and my standards will forever be way too high. I strive everyday to be more Christlike and to be more like you. Everyone loved you and I can only hope that people will someday feel the same about me. You are truly wonderful and I can't wait to meet you in heaven and catch you up on how my life went, even though I know you've been watching over me the whole time.
Love always.
Claire
Even reading this now, it's hard to keep it together. The emotions are still as raw as they were nine months ago. I haven't been back to my grandpa's house much since he passed away, because I know that the bedroom will be empty, just like his chair in the living room, and his swing by the pond. But after the waves of grief, I am reminded that I believe that he is somewhere better than this life of pain and discomfort. And I believe that someday, somewhere, I will be reunited, and have the opportunity to read this letter to him in person. Because that is the best thing this granddaughter can think of in this crazy world.
