On the scale of having a deadly disease and having a bug bite, lactose intolerance stands near the latter. Being lactose intolerant isn't something everyone can relate to, but according to the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, at least 75 percent of the world's population is lactose intolerant. Being lactose intolerant means that your body can't digest lactose which is dairy products. For some people, it means you can eat the occasional bowl of ice cream and for others, it can mean avoiding anything with dairy as an ingredient.

With lactose intolerant comes the constant question about what happens if I drink milk? Well, I actually don't even like milk so it's not a loss for me. Then, when people don't like my answer they ask "Okay but like what really happens?" Most people expect me to go into this long discussion on how when the first drop of milk touches my tongue I break out in hives and my hands start to swell from the near sight of the glass. When in reality I just get a stomach ache which people find pretty boring. It's also kind of an awkward question to ask me what my bowel movements are but hey if you really want to know I can show you a very unusual party trick where I eat a whole pizza and then spend the next 24 hours in the bathroom.

The worst part about being a proud lactose intolerant isn't the constant stomach aches, but the inconvenience and burden you put on people. I can't even count the number of times I have gone to dinner with a group of people who don't know I'm lactose intolerant and they try to help me order my food. I'll ask the waiter for pasta with alfredo sauce and I can always count on someone to pause the conversation and say "Wait, I'm sorry, that has cheese in it. Did you know that?" Sweetie, this ain't my first time at Olive Garden. I'll be fine. I know your concern comes from a good place, but I think I know what's best for me. An even worse situation is when someone makes dinner and they always try to make my food without cheese in it or cook me an individual alternative meal. These types of situations aren't as annoying as others I just feel bad that someone went to all the trouble to make me this meal when all I could've done was taken a dairy digestive pill and been fine.

All in all, you can tell I don't really take my lactose intolerance really seriously. If I want to have a bowl of ice cream before bed then I am going to have a bowl of ice cream. It's my stomach ache and I'm the only one who has to deal with it. The worries about me are very sweet and I know you just want me to be stomach-ache-free, but sometimes I just want to relax and eat my weight in fried mozzarella sticks.