Within my mind, negative thoughts and notions clouded my view of the world. For years I believed I wasn't good enough to be a successful individual in society to whom everyone strived to be. I felt as if I was an outsider-- secluded from society in a constant state of psychological despair. I took to writing various forms of literature as a way to vent from the daily struggles that haunted me at night and kept me up until absurd hours of the day.
I remember always feeling lost and trapped within my own mind as if a metaphorical cage imprisoned my happiness and aspirations which was "Depression." My illness progressively got worse after my boyfriend cheated on me with my "best friend" of three years. I felt not only abandoned by the loss of a girl that sworn she and I were sisters, but also heartbroken by my first love who seemingly to threw me away as if I was nothing. And in my mind, I felt as if I wasn't anything. From time to time, he would come back into life just to use me and do various acts of emotional abuse onto me. I began to justify my ex-boyfriend's actions explaining to myself how I couldn't blame him for leaving me each and every time. Nobody would like to display such a damaged individual by their side for the outside world to see.
I remember missing an extraneous amount of school over not being able to get out of bed due to the feeling of emotional restraints weighing me down. This inevitably affected my grades within high school. The absences turned a girl who was an honors student with an average of a 3.7 GPA to a mere 2.8 GPA in a matter of half a marking period. I was in a constant state of never feeling good enough to do practically anything. Once my mother began to see how sick her daughter was, she took me to the family practice we religiously go to whenever a health problem occurs within our family. At the time, my mother believed I was Anemic and lacking the iron in my blood leading me to live life in a constant state of immense exhaustion.
After numerous blood tests and the results always coming back the same showing that the problem was not the nutrients within my blood, my doctor began to see the bigger picture. I remember him asking me how my life was going outside of the clinic and how I felt about the struggles I was going through day to day. He asked me if these problems affected my sleep patterns and diet. Myself, being the timid girl I am, looked towards my mother sitting idly by my side during the evaluation for her to answer for me.
Months later, I feel much better in the situation I am in. I take twenty milligrams of a drug called Lexapro. This drug on its own was a major stepping stone in suppressing my illness, leading me to think more positively about life. Another beneficial factor to myself feeling better as an individual is having an amazing boyfriend, named Michael, and friends that stuck by my side during every last one of my struggles.
If you have depression or any form of illness, you most definitely are not alone. You are good enough, you will amount to great things in life. People around you do care about your well-being and whether or not you are actually happy. Feeling helpless and lost every day from the time you wake up until the time you go to bed, is not how you should live life at all. Also, if you feel as if you have nobody that cares, I will listen to your problems; just email me. The war of Depression needs to be over and it should not make anyone feel as if they do not belong within society. 
