In a shocking upset to stockholders everywhere, the Christmas season hasn't wrought the usual scale of Yule Tide profits.
The problem?
Millennials
While experts are still unclear as to the reason why millennials aren't spending their bottom dollar on imported garbage by the usual droves, the current theory is that Mexico is to blame. Thanks to the new spike in avocado prices, millennials are buttering their toast with currency they could be spending on the new $1,000 YPhone.
Santa is reporting record demand increases thanks to the millennial generation relying more on Mr. Clause's hand outs than on their own dime. Reports of casualties within Santa's workshops due to the 55-65 hour work weeks and workload increase have been higher than usual, leading to labor shortages.
MallWort released a statement this past week stating they "have no idea" why more people aren't consuming their products "the way they had in the late 80's and early 90's" the flabbergasted spokesperson said. "How am I to afford to decorate all three of my homes this Christmas if we can't cover our quarterly bonus?".
Shortly after his touching personal statement, the hashtag #SaveChristmas went viral on Bitter, and a GoFundWe raised $200,000 to cover the cost of the missing Christmas decorations.
Adding insult to injury, Millennials are now demanding something they call a "Living Wage" arguing that their refusal to overspend on Christmas directly correlates to their wages in some way.
Economic experts have found no correlation between their wages and their boycott of Christmas thus far.
Ceo's of major corporations seem desperate to appease the masses, and are thus mass producing participation trophies in an effort to persuade them to continue shopping.
More on this story as it developes.
