If you’re anything like me: you’re already hooked.

You’re the person that trusts against their better judgement, because you would rather kick yourself for taking a promise at its face value than being the jerk who won’t take an IOU as a form of payment.

You’ve been used.

Somehow, you’ve been mistaken for a door mat over and over again. Somehow, you always end up back on the ground ruining your favorite sweater while trying to keep someone’s tennis shoes clean.

If you’re anything like me, you can see inside people’s souls.

After one meeting, you can like them or dislike them for one reason or another. You may not even have a reason, just this feeling-- this intuition we’ve all gotten stuck with as a leftover from our cavemen ancestors. That annoying little gut wrench that could save or end your life-- that we’d all be better off without, of course. You try, against your better judgement, to see the best in people.

So here’s the million dollar question: why do you do this to yourself? Mainly because you don’t want to be right.

You know that you can’t trust anyone, but what kind of realization is that? So, you go against the grain and you take a leap of faith. You then fall and hit the pavement when that little voice inside your head is proven right once again.

Like most, you have a hard time understanding why others don’t think the way you do. Why wouldn’t a person take everyone else’s feelings into consideration? How could a person sleep at night if they never paid you back? In your mind, it’s highly improbable that someone could have so little remorse for hurting another.

But being this person makes you happy. The reward for someone’s happiness is much greater than the reward for stomping over everyone else to get what you want. You feed off of the happiness you helped create, even if it wasn’t your own.

This act of kindness satisfies some sort of need you have inside of you. You’ve been blessed with good intuition, conflict resolution skills, and the ability to sense social queues, which is more than you can say for some.

You have to share this gift, to keep the peace within your different circles-- someone has to take one for the team. In all seriousness: it makes your life easier. It means less arguments and fights; it means less blow-back from awkward situations; it means not a lot of people have anything to hold over you.

So, what are the side effects of Martyrdom?

1. May cause social grievances: some people will find you annoying. They will think that you play this card only to have it to throw back in their face later; they may not be wrong.

2. Some experienced fatigue: You will be tired. People will suck the life right out of you, and you’ll let them; you’ll let people take and take until there’s nothing left, because that’s all you can do to keep them happy.

3. See your doctor right away if you realize you are having trouble fulfilling your own happiness. You literally get a high from helping those around you. Sometimes, that means you sacrifice your own means to be happy to breathe in the happiness of someone else-- that happiness that you helped to create.

It’s not all bad though. Contrary to what it feels like sometimes, it makes you more likable. People trust you. People know that they can always give you a call when their caught between a rock and a hard place, and that’s not a bad quality to have. It makes you feel good.

Some people are good at sports, some people are good at public speaking. You? You’re good at helping; that’s definitely a skill worth having. Along those lines, helping others, even when you feel like you’re giving way more than you can afford, makes you feel good.

Maybe it isn’t healthy, but you do get an endorphin rush from putting a smile on others’ faces. And on top of all that, you get to feel a little bit of what others feel. If you put so much of your heart into something that it’s literally exposed on your sleeve, it can hurt. However: you just might be able to share in the joy, happiness, or excitement that you helped to give.

If you’re anything like me: after reading this, you may be thinking that you need to fix something about yourself; you don’t. If we’re as alike as I think we are, we couldn’t change, even if we wanted to. We’d rather be known as people who gave too much, then people who hoarded everything for themselves.

We’d gladly feel all of the pain that we’ve felt before over again to feel the sense of pride that we feel when we make someone’s day. If getting hurt every once in a while is the price we pay for staying in touch with our human side, then we’ll pay it.

Because, any feeling (good or bad) is a gift in this life that you can chose to let pass you by and remain ignorant, or to immerse yourself in it and take a chance on letting yourself feel.

~Emily Reyburn