Beyond the fact that he is the vice president for arguably the most controversial and messed up administration this country has ever seen, there must be another reason that the Vice President is always frowning. After significant research, I have formulated a list of possible reasons that Mike Pence exists in a perpetual state of discontent:
1. Because in Indiana, you can’t buy alcohol on Sundays.
What kind of backwards state still spends 1/7 of their week in the prohibition era? I’d be upset too, Mike. What the hell are you supposed to have at Sunday brunch? Plain orange juice?
2. Because his dog died.
In actuality, his dog, Maverick, did die during the campaign. Footage of Pence from the funeral- it was not held on a Sunday.
3. Because Pawnee, Indiana, from Parks and Recreation, isn’t a real place.
I know, it came as a shock to me too.
4. Because he doesn’t have much luck with the ladies.
Between decades of sexists comments and attempts at defunding Planned Parenthood, he doesn’t have much of a fan club (for comparison, see: Justin Trudeau).
5. Because his graduate alma mater, Indiana University, hasn't won the Big 10 Championship in football since 1967.
I would point to his undergraduate alma mater, Hanover College, but their football team doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page.
6. Because he is worked like a pack mule.
His colleague, Donald Trump, is the political equivalent of the person in the group project who does absolutely none of the work, but presents 90% of the final project. No one likes those people.
7. Because he authorized killing Bambi’s mother with Indiana Senate Bill 109, which authorized hunting captive deer.
“Mother! Mother!” –Bambi
“Your mother can’t be with you anymore” -Mike Pence
8. Because he will never provide quality meme content like Joe Biden did during his time as vice president.
But then again, can anyone?
9. Because he wanted a cool dad haircut.
He was hoping for something along the lines of George Clooney. Despite the effort, he hasn’t quite been able to pull off the “silver fox” look yet.
10. Because his home state of Indiana was ranked 3rd in a Gallup survey analyzing the most miserable states in the country.
People are products of their environments.
