Midterms. I’ve been dreading this week since day one. Still unprepared and terrified, I have to accept that they are going to happen no matter what. I’m going to be honest, I haven’t even opened the book for one of my classes. Now I have to read every page and cram each and every ounce of knowledge into my brain. I’d rather take a nap and forget this all existed, but alas I cannot.
My first thought, along with everyone else’s, “Why are midterms this week? It's not even half way through the semester!”. My thoughts exactly! Yet somehow I still had 11 chapters to memorize and 5 days worth of crying to get through. I’m normally not such an emotional person, but for some reason this week hit hard and fast, knocking everything out of me. Even studying was harder than usual.
I studied for at least a total of 24 hours and still came out of each test with the feeling of failure. Each test had questions about people and places I didn’t even knew existed. They weren’t in the book or my notes, barely mentioned online; my professor deemed them important. I went in slightly confident and left in a puddle of tears with hugs from people I’d never met; going on to eat not only my feelings, but the entire cafeteria.
Not to mention that during one of my exams I cried. I straight up cried while sitting in the corner, taking my Spanish exam. No one judged me, no one asked what was wrong; it was acceptable. It sounds strange, but that cry was cathartic. I needed to let it out, I was just glad my tears didn’t smudge my already wrong answers.
This week has been filled with endless tears and sleepless nights. It’s been an uphill battle against midterms, but it’s not over. I have more. More nights to spend up until 4 am. More nights dwelling on how my grades affect my future. More nights drowning myself in coffee. More money spent on said coffee. Hopefully this time it will pay off.
I wish I could say that this week I learned a lesson, or at least a new way to study. But unfortunately, I’m stuck with my ‘procrastinating until I choose to study’ method. However, I can say that through all this I made some great friends and high quality memories, in between the tears and hysteria. By hysteria I mean that 2 am crazy you experience after being awake for too long. It's a combination of stress, caffeine and what I call “2 am drunk”. 2 am drunk is just when you are exhausted, but keep pushing yourself to stay awake. This combo leads to a weird mood where you are loopy and distracted, but still trying to be focused. It wears off once you focus hard enough, but if you end up not being able to focus, it's a sign you should just go to bed. This midterm hysteria should end soon, but in the meantime I’m stuck trying to muddle through.
