Dear (insert names here):

I know it's been years since we have spoken, and you may not even recognize me if you see me in passing. I know that some of you have gone on to live great lives near and far, while some of you stayed exactly where you are and your lives have gone downhill. For years, I wished ill will on each and every one of you for tearing me apart and picking at the remains.

I don't anymore.

A lot has happened in the past few years. I've loved, I've lost, I've fallen and I've grown. I have toggled between mildly insane and boring sanity more times than I can remember. I have worked as hard as humanly possible to get where I am today, and I make no apologies for the road that got me here. I persevered: plain and simple.

I think it's important to write this letter, so you know how years of bullying and verbal torture affected me. I do not aim to make you regret your actions, nor do I aim for you to pity me. I only aim to educate, now that I am at a better place of understanding and enlightenment.

1. I hated myself. I'm not sure how much more frank I can be in that statement, as bold and brazen as it may sound. I hated my stomach for not being as flat as you said it should be. I hated my arms for not being as toned as yours. I hated my hair for being wild and curly, or as you liked to call it, my "blonde Brillo pad." I hated my calves, and all the muscle in them, because all I ever heard from you was laughter and pointing at (what you called) my "cankles." I hated my thighs for being "thunder thighs," which you said "rub together enough to start a fire." I hated almost every inch of myself because you told me to.
2. I held myself back from a lot. There were so many things (musicals, plays, concerts, events, sports, etc.) that I wanted to participate in. I held myself back in fear of the many insults that would be slung my way if you were to see me. I stopped myself from truly enjoying any middle/high school experiences because I didn't want to face the inevitable humility you would have happily served.
3. I made myself smaller for you. This is a big one for me because over the years I've had to truly search for my true self and learn to love myself. This has taken a lot of time because I was always "too much" for you. I was too white, black, outgoing, loud, fat, boisterous, tall, etc. I was never enough.
4. I believed I wasn't "enough." You called me a nobody, told me I would never be loved, and ridiculed any attempt I made at being "normal." Looking back, I'm not exactly sure how I was "too much," while simultaneously being "less than enough;" but you made compelling arguments and I seemed to take it for what it was. I turned to the facade of comfort that a razor blade brought to me. I sought for acceptance by turning to evils like bulimia, so you would see the progress I was making for you.
5. I was living for you. It seems as though almost every move I made involved trying to please you. From the way I dressed, to the way I did my hair, the way I wore my makeup and the shoes I wore: almost everything I did was in pursuit of your acceptance.
6. You were the most destructive relationship I have ever had. We weren't a traditional pair: we didn't hold hands or kiss or go on dates. However, we had a relationship that has lasted longer than any of my romantic relationships. In our relationship you punched and kicked me with insults, bruised my confidence, and bled me dry of my self esteem. You left me battered and bruised in ways that cannot be seen; and there is no witness protection for being victim to bullying.You destroyed me over time, and held no part in helping me put myself together again.

I am not angry with you anymore. It's funny, because this is the first time I've been able to write this without crying or becoming scared at what you may think if you read this. I am not apologizing anymore for the person I am, nor for the things I do. I refuse to allow any of you to define the person I am today, because I am who I have become in spite of you, not because of you. It took me a long time to get where I am today. Between the support of my family, my own tenacity, and a lot of tears;I worked hard to get here.

I thank you for years of bullying, because now I have thicker skin. I wear my hair however I see fit, I wear clothes that make me feel good, I wear my makeup how I want, and I wear shoes that I adore. I am loud and boisterous, but also soft-spoken at times. I am wild and "crazy," but I am one of the best friends any of you could have had if you had given me the chance.

I am not "Albino Rhino." I am not "Inside-Out Oreo." I am not "The Devil's Angel." I am not "The Slutting and Cutting." I am not crazy, psychotic, delusional, suicidal, pregnant, dead or any of the other weighted adjectives and nicknames you've used to describe me.

I am Angel: irrevocably, without apology and with my head held high. Too many times, I could have succumbed to your abuse and become a different person than I am now. Keep that in mind next time you give someone any of those labels you gave me.

Sincerely,

The Lucky One, Who Learned to Love Herself