I was never a romantic. I hated cheesy love stories, chick-flicks and all that other crap that made people just melt (*eye roll*). I never felt comfortable with PDA, never believed in love at first sight, and never thought it was possible to willingly stay with the same person for more than a few years.
But, then I met you.
You changed my entire perspective – you made me feel something that I never believed was real, you made me rethink my attitude toward intimacy, you made me face the fear of commitment that I had harbored for so long.
I never thought there was a connection that was so selfless, that was so contagious; was fiery yet gentle. I never thought there was someone out there who made it possible to change the way I saw myself.
But, then I met you.
I met someone who loves me, and who loves me even when we’re at the pinnacle of an argument. I found someone who understands my past but doesn’t treat me like I’m fragile. Someone who knows what I’m capable of, even when I don’t, and will celebrate my successes while keeping me humble. I found someone who knows I’m a royal pain in the ass but doesn’t make me feel guilty about that. Whether I am broken, beaten down, or at my best, I found someone who speaks to me in the same encouraging voice no matter what. I have someone who is patient beyond words, apologetic, forgiving and kind. I found someone who is empathetic, compassionate and courteous to everyone – not just me.
I will always remember the moment I saw you on our first date. I smiled and you smiled back. I felt something then that I couldn’t quite figure out; I wasn’t nervous, I didn’t have butterflies in my stomach. I felt at home with you, I felt safe. As I sat across from you and we began to talk, I looked up and I saw you look into my eyes while I spoke to you. I was never speechless, never had to get up and “use the restroom” to escape for a few minutes, never had look at my phone. I felt as though I was catching up with a best friend from years ago; you revived an innocence in me that I thought was suffocated from existence long before I had even known your name.
I knew something that night. I felt something that night. Unfortunately enough, I had trained myself to stifle those types of feelings before they affected me because I’d been hurt so many times before. So, I’ll never be able to uncover the organic energy I felt on our first date, because it was filtered through a mess of fear and doubt that you would ever see me again.
But, you did.
You saw me again. And I had never been happier to collapse into familiar arms when I saw you next. When I see you, every time I see you, I am just as excited as the very first time (queue “Feels Like the First Time” by Foreigner). For every time I felt afraid in the past, for every time that I was left wondering why I wasn’t good enough, for every heartbreak, drawback, breakup and tear; you make all of that disappear. I’ve never felt before what I feel when I’m with you. I never want to see anyone else in front of me.
I look at you and somehow I just know that I’m in love. I hear your voice and I can feel the vibrations in my heart. You are my everything; you make me feel complete. You are my definition, my light in the dark, and my ignition – the one who sparks my fire. That smile of yours alone can give me all the hope I need, and when you wrap your arms around me, I feel like I’m at home. There’s a feeling I get when we’re together that’s like nothing I can explain, a warmth that radiates from within, goose bumps when I feel your fingers touch the surface of my skin. The sensation that washes over me when we kiss is almost like a lapse of time, or deja vu, forcing me to forget for a moment that Earth still exists below the height that I’ve reached. I look at you and I know what it means to try and fail but to never give up. I know what it means to hold on to hopes and dreams; I know things that I thought I knew before. Every time I’m with you, I want you a little more and every goodbye gets a little harder. Look, I don’t know how, but one thing is certain: I had never known my definition of perfect…
But, then I met you.
Have Fun. Be Fun. Forever.
-Kourtni
