I noticed recently that I have written the majority of my material about my sweet
boyfriend fiancé (I'm newly engaged) and about relationships in general. While I absolutely love speaking directly to couples, I also realize the importance of acknowledging the singles, as well.
I have spent the greater part of my adult life as a single woman, and the things I have seen, heard and experienced are completely out of this world. From online dating, tinder apps, blind dates and unsolicited genital pictures; I learned very quickly that this world is not a safe place for the single ladies.
So, single girls, gals, teens and everything in between: here is my message to you.
1. Understand that you are in control of your own destiny
There is no law stating that you must settle for someone by a certain age or a certain point in your career. You are not required to get married, and you do not have to live by anybody's law, but your own (and possibly the U.S. government). You control your destiny. You control who impacts your life. You control who is allowed into your life. And you control how long people stay in your life. Never tie yourself to a person until they prove themselves to be absolutely worthy. You control your future, and you control how you react to any inopportune situation that may come your way. This is key in the dating world. You control your dating life, your dating life does not control you.
2. Recognize your worth
Has anyone told you how beautiful you are today? No? Well, let me just say that you look absolutely ravishing. It does not matter if your teeth are crooked. It is okay if you gained 10 pounds (or more) over the Christmas break. Who cares if you're breaking out a bit? You are still so, so beautiful and valuable. The Lord made each and every one of you so carefully and so wonderfully; knowing the number of hairs on your head, every aspiration you would ever have and every freckle on your face. He knew EXACTLY what He was doing when He created all your quirks, your random dimples and even the physical feature you might believe to be a flaw. He loves every part of your soul and every bit of who you are. I promise you were never meant to settle for the boring, or borderline inappropriate tinder date. You are worthy of a partner who will move mountains for you, somebody who will love on you, lift you up and encourage you (even at your worst). God knows you are worthy. I know you are worthy. Now it is up to you to fully understand, acknowledge and live by this wholeheartedly. A man (or anyone for that matter) cannot ever make you feel inferior without your consent.
3. Learn how to walk away
No matter how handsome he is or how much money he makes, understand that he is replaceable until proven otherwise. No, not all men are expendable, but A LOT of them are. In the U.S. Court of Law, individuals are innocent until proven guilty. In the dating world, your partner is replaceable until they can prove themselves. Unfortunately, in this sick and twisted world we live in, not everyone in your DM's has the best intentions for you. And if/when you figure out that somebody is unworthy of your time or affection, cut them loose. Do not make excuses for bad behavior. Of course, only YOU know your breaking point and your own personal red flags. But think of it this way, if you would not be proud to have a son just like him, then he is not dating material or marriage material and he is certainly not father material. Do not keep making the same mistake, simply because you spent a lot of time making it,.
4. Be brave
If you do make it past the awkward phase and find that you might actually want to build a future with someone, be bold. While I 100% support guarding your heart until the end of time, it is also crucial that you open your heart to someone when the time is right. Nobody can decide when that time will be for you (that is between you and your partner, obviously). But do not be afraid to put yourself out there. It is ultimately your responsibility to openly and unapologetically be yourself. You will never know if somebody genuinely loves, until you are completely genuine with them. Be bold, be brave and stand your ground. If by some chance he does not fully accept you, then he is not the man for you. It is as simple as that.
5. Stay strong
I know, being single sucks, sometimes. But never let the loneliness control your decisions or your future. Loneliness is the devil. It will convince you to run back into the arms of somebody who is completely and totally unworthy of your love. Keep your faith and keep your head held high. Rest in the precious truth that God is still in the process of writing your love story, and maybe right now, He wants you to enjoy and thrive in your season of singleness. You can accomplish so many incredible things as a single individual. Your worth is not now nor will it ever be tied to your (future) partner. If you are still waiting for the love of your life, be grateful. God has His hands on your life in ways that you could not possibly fathom. He is intrinsically working things together for your good. He has already planned when and how you will meet this person. And that is a beautiful sentiment that you can live by and meditate on. God loves you, He is fighting for you, and He is working on you (and your future partner).
Be blessed, friends. Enjoy being single, in a relationship, engaged, married or whatever the heck you are right now. God is writing the love story of a lifetime, and it is all for you. Just wait on it.