To My Mentally Abusive Ex, I'm Not Wrapped Around Your Finger Anymore

To My Mentally Abusive Ex, I'm Not Wrapped Around Your Finger Anymore

Because of you, I have a heart of steel. Good luck trying to break me.
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I cannot decide whether or not meeting you is my biggest regret of my life or the best decision I ever made.

You were nice at first. You were so caring to me, to everyone. We were only fourteen and in biology you were charming. You let me wear your jacket, you helped me with assignments, you made me feel beautiful in ways I had never known.

Then came the inappropriate touches.

You knew I wasn't comfortable with my body. I was an immature teenager. I didn't know how to say no, and even whenever I did, you wouldn't listen. You continued on.

I didn't leave you because I knew you could do better. I didn't leave you because I was scared. I left you because I was a 14-year-old indecisive girl.

I'm glad that I left you, because it was then that your true colors began to show. You spread horrendous rumors. We dated for a month, yet you claimed I drove you insane. That you tried to off yourself, that I'm a heartless monster and I didn't deserve anyone to believe me.

You made me lose friends, and people I didn't even know hated me. You made me sick to my stomach every single time I saw you. You made me believe in your lies. You made me completely hate myself to the point I didn't want to live.

I tried to look on the bright side. Everywhere I went, you pointed me out like a bully. You whispered. I was a "cheater," a beast who had torn your world apart after A MONTH of being together.

Ever since then you have done such horrible acts. Pretended to be my friend, only to tell me to kill myself. Dated the only person I could trust and cheated on her. You've abused girls to the point to when you two break up, they come to me crying and begging for forgiveness, begging for me to help them and heal them from your unforgettable acts.

I am strong. I am a fighter. I stand up for what I believe in, and that's why I'm glad I met you. I know how to be stubborn. I know how to stand my ground. For so many years, I allowed for you to run me down. I allowed for you to push me around, insult me, look down to me like a leper.

It's my turn now to rise.

It's been almost four years now. You still taunt me. You whisper lies and manipulate people into believing your side. You cannot even speak to anyone who associates with me. You cheat and lie on every girl you "love."

You aren't a man. You are the definition of a sociopath.

Will you ever give up the need to ruin my life?

Suppose you did. You'd probably live a happy life. Actually find some girl you could love, get married, continue your education and forget about us.

Instead, you continue to drown yourself with the thought of me.

I'm tired of trying to bring peace between us. I'm tired of trying to become friends, and I'm definitely tired of trying to be nice and care about you.

Try to ruin my life, you will not get any farther than you already have.

Because of you, I have a heart of steel. Good luck trying to break me.

To anyone in a similar situation: You can overcome your abuser. You can overcome their lies ("I'll change, I swear," "I'll never lay a hand on you," "You'll never find someone like me") and you will find someone who treats you and makes you feel a million times better. You are way stronger than you could ever imagine. You are the only thing stopping you.

You are not the only one going through this. According to NCADV, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. And not only that, studies suggest that there is a relationship between intimate partner violence and depression and suicidal behavior. Millions of men and women experience the same psychological damage that you are.

Whether it is physical, sexual, emotional, or mental, abuse is abuse.

Use the National Domestic Violence Hotline website to distinguish warning signs of abuse and call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 if you have a hearing impairment.

Speak up.

Cover Image Credit: Youtube

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6 Important Must Knows For Dating Sassy And Sarcastic Girls

Brace yourselves boys, she's a tough one.
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Dating a girl with a big personality can be tricky. They are some of the most amazing girls but to keep them, one needs to understand them. Here are six important things you must be aware of before you give your heart to a sassy and sarcastic girl.

1. Stubborn

She is going to be the most stubborn creature you will ever meet. I say "creature" because she might actually scare you with how much she refuses to back down until you have full proof she is wrong. And if you can’t prove her wrong, just suck up your pride and let her be right or she’ll never quit. But just remember that she’s simply passionate about whatever it is and you should be proud of her for that.

2. Bluntness

She is going to be blunt. So be prepared to hear the truth. She isn’t going to care how mad you get, if you’re being rude, she won’t be afraid to put you in your place. If your choice of clothing isn’t matching, she’ll tell you. Whatever it is, she isn’t going to keep the truth from you. Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes she’s just a little too straightforward.

3. Sensitivity

Be careful sometimes with your choice of words. Though she is blunt, she is also sensitive. Her sarcastic personality is sometimes just a defense mechanism because she fears opening up. She worries a lot and continues to ponder the things you say. Remind her she is loved.

4. Friends

She is going to have a lot more guy friends than she will have girl friends. Why? Because guys tend to find more humor in her sarcasm and don’t take it so personal, whereas other girls take it as she’s being serious and just rude. However, don’t be jealous because trust me, you’re 100 percent hers and those guy friends are just that — friends.

5. Insults

She’s not going to flirt with you by giggling and blushing and calling you cute. She’s going to call you an idiot and smack you across the shoulder or back because to her, that’s easier than being all giddy and speechless over how much she likes you. And even when she’s calling you names, which really is in all fun and games, she doesn’t mean it seriously, she’s actually just saying “I love you” in her own special language.

6. Shorty

If she’s short in addition to being sassy and sarcastic, you’re in for a big treat with her. She is not only going to be full of fast wit, but she is going to have so much spunk in her you won’t know what to do. She will be so feisty that she won’t be afraid of anything or anyone and you yourself won’t even know how to handle her. That’s what makes her special.

It takes a certain type of person to be able to give their heart to someone who can so easily break it with their strong headed personality. But a sarcastic and sassy girl is going to be the one girl who is going to love you with all that she has. Treat her right, and she’ll treat you right.

Cover Image Credit: Larisa Birta

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If You THINK You're Too Dependent On Your Boyfriend, You Probably Are

Depend on yourself before you depend on him.

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Don't get me wrong, having a boyfriend and being in love is an incredible feeling. But when you depend on your boyfriend for everything and forget how to do things on your own, it becomes a major problem. You might not see it but your family and friends do. Yes he's your boyfriend and of course, you want to spend every single second with him but you can't carry him around in the back of your pocket for the rest of your life. So here's to the girls who are too dependent on your boyfriends, I think you girls might want to hear this.

First and foremost, I completely understand what it's like to be in love and want to spend every second with your boyfriend. I get that he is one of your best friends, one of the people you can trust the most, one of the sources of your happiness, one of your stress relievers, one of the things that brings you comfort, one of the people you can rant to for anything, one of the people that you can cry to about anything, one of the people that you want to make memories with, one of the people that you want to spend the rest of your life with and so much more.

Did you notice I said one of, for all that? He is just one of the people you can go to for all of that, not the only one. You have friends and family who can do all of that too. And trust me, we want to. While yes you might prefer him to those other people, it's still important to keep your friends and family in the loop of what's going on in your life and it's even more important just to keep them in your life.

When you choose your boyfriend over your friends and family for everything, you're slowly pushing them out of your life. I, and everyone else who's been where I have been, completely understand if you already have plans with your boyfriend, or if something is going on you want to spend time with him. But to blow off your friends every single time for him is a slap in the face to us. Or to invite him to everything we do is another slap in the face. Of course as friends and family, we want to spend time with your boyfriend but it gets awkward third wheeling.

Go out with your family and friends without him sometimes and make tons of memories, as you did before. Rant and cry to friends and family sometimes instead, we care about you and your feelings, just as much as he does... maybe, even more, when you guys are fighting. When you don't talk to or see your friends and family without him there, you're pretty much telling us that you don't like being around us and that by bringing him, it makes it more bearable for you.

With that being said, you have to let him do the same. You have to let him have time for his family and friends without you. It looks super weird that you follow him around like a lost little puppy dog. Let him have time with the guys, without you being there or showing up at some point. To tag along to every little thing he does isn't healthy. Tagging along to everything thing your boyfriend does, probably makes his friends, a little uncomfortable, especially when they want their guy time and you're the only girl and they don't want you to feel awkward or left out. Or his family wants to spend time with just him and catch up.

Do things apart from each other, so when you are together you have stories to tell and pictures to show them.

Speaking of doing things apart from each other. Don't let an amazing opportunity slip away because you have to spend time away from your boyfriend. Did I leave my boyfriend to do the Disney College Program, hell yes I did. Am I going to apply again in August or maybe January? Hell yes, I am. Don't be afraid to explore things without him, even if it makes you uncomfortable, because you never know when you might get a great opportunity again.

Learning to do things alone is scary, I get it. But don't base your schedule around his, I've seen so many girls do this and it just back fries in the end. Unless you have kids, you do not plan your schedules around him or know where he is at every single second.

You never know, one day he might not be there anymore, and if you're always with your boyfriend and forgetting about friends and family, you might not have them either. And then what? Who do you depend on?

I wish you all would learn to depend on yourself before you depend completely on your boyfriend for everything. You are capable of so many things alone. You might feel like your boyfriend completes you and makes you whole, but in reality, you were already complete without him. He's just an added bonus. Don't give up your friends, family, and life because you want to be attached at the hip. You might lose more than you gain by doing that.

This goes for couples who have been dating for all lengths of time. It could be six months or six years.

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