I cannot decide whether or not meeting you is my biggest regret of my life or the best decision I ever made.
You were nice at first. You were so caring to me, to everyone. We were only fourteen and in biology you were charming. You let me wear your jacket, you helped me with assignments, you made me feel beautiful in ways I had never known.
Then came the inappropriate touches.
You knew I wasn't comfortable with my body. I was an immature teenager. I didn't know how to say no, and even whenever I did, you wouldn't listen. You continued on.
I didn't leave you because I knew you could do better. I didn't leave you because I was scared. I left you because I was a 14-year-old indecisive girl.
I'm glad that I left you, because it was then that your true colors began to show. You spread horrendous rumors. We dated for a month, yet you claimed I drove you insane. That you tried to off yourself, that I'm a heartless monster and I didn't deserve anyone to believe me.
You made me lose friends, and people I didn't even know hated me. You made me sick to my stomach every single time I saw you. You made me believe in your lies. You made me completely hate myself to the point I didn't want to live.
I tried to look on the bright side. Everywhere I went, you pointed me out like a bully. You whispered. I was a "cheater," a beast who had torn your world apart after A MONTH of being together.
Ever since then you have done such horrible acts. Pretended to be my friend, only to tell me to kill myself. Dated the only person I could trust and cheated on her. You've abused girls to the point to when you two break up, they come to me crying and begging for forgiveness, begging for me to help them and heal them from your unforgettable acts.
I am strong. I am a fighter. I stand up for what I believe in, and that's why I'm glad I met you. I know how to be stubborn. I know how to stand my ground. For so many years, I allowed for you to run me down. I allowed for you to push me around, insult me, look down to me like a leper.
It's my turn now to rise.
It's been almost four years now. You still taunt me. You whisper lies and manipulate people into believing your side. You cannot even speak to anyone who associates with me. You cheat and lie on every girl you "love."
You aren't a man. You are the definition of a sociopath.
Will you ever give up the need to ruin my life?
Suppose you did. You'd probably live a happy life. Actually find some girl you could love, get married, continue your education and forget about us.
Instead, you continue to drown yourself with the thought of me.
I'm tired of trying to bring peace between us. I'm tired of trying to become friends, and I'm definitely tired of trying to be nice and care about you.
Try to ruin my life, you will not get any farther than you already have.
Because of you, I have a heart of steel. Good luck trying to break me.
To anyone in a similar situation: You can overcome your abuser. You can overcome their lies ("I'll change, I swear," "I'll never lay a hand on you," "You'll never find someone like me") and you will find someone who treats you and makes you feel a million times better. You are way stronger than you could ever imagine. You are the only thing stopping you.
You are not the only one going through this. According to NCADV, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. And not only that, studies suggest that there is a relationship between intimate partner violence and depression and suicidal behavior. Millions of men and women experience the same psychological damage that you are.
Whether it is physical, sexual, emotional, or mental, abuse is abuse.