Every once in awhile we all get this feeling inside of us that too much is happening and we just can’t handle it anymore. For me, I tend to deal with this by punching a bag or a pillow, screaming into my pillows, writing, dancing alone in my room, or when it’s really bad or I feel like I would just be bothering someone with my thoughts and feelings, I just hold it inside until things like last week happen. Last week while walking back to my dorm from class it happened again. I had a panic attack, and really bad at that. It lasted a lot longer than usual and it came out of nowhere from a trigger I can’t even remember. I immediately called my Mom who is my crutch when things like this happen. She was fighting with me to stick it out and stay home. But all I could think was I’m never going to get a break, I’m never going to get to see my Mom or Dad, all but for one day before I go to D.C. for Spring Break with school, and that’s just not enough time. I was home sick, home food sick, missing family sick.
I knew I had to do something so that I could feel better because on top of just needing the feeling of being at home for more than a day I could feel my body slowly breaking down. Weeks before I started to feel like I was getting the flu. I was shaking in a cold sweat at night, I couldn’t sleep, and then I noticed something on my leg. I had two extremely red spots on my thigh where I had been picking at old scabs, which I know is disgusting. And all I could think was how stupid I was because it ended up that I had a mild case of sepsis, which if you don’t know can make you feel like you have the flu, but can also kill you. It’s basically your body breaking down trying to fight off infection.
So that day I took the train back home which is only about a two-hour ride. Luckily my Dad got me at an early station so I only had to ride one train, cutting down an hour. As soon as I hit the city, I felt at home again. Chicago has always been my mother city. Being from a small northern suburb about ten minutes from the city that I’ve lived in basically my whole life, Chicago has always been my home away from home.
To make a story short, I’m feeling better now, even though I also found out I have two tears in the cartilage of my hips, one in each. Which makes walking or any repetitive motion, or really just sitting for too long hurt more than anything I can describe.
I guess what I’m really trying to say is that you need to know your body and what you can handle both mentally and physically so that you know when you need a break from life. There is no shame in needing what at least my family has always called a “Mental Health Day”. Growing up I’ve heard the term used more often than not as I’ve gone through college so far. So I guess whether it’s listening to music or dancing like no one’s watching, or just taking a few days to binge a show and not get out of bed, take a break every once in awhile. It’s healthy. Stay happy my friends.
