Earlier this year, I wrote the following poem in memoriam of a student from my school who ended her life. Today I dedicate it to every person who has ever ended their life or known someone who has.
"Scratch"
No one asks about her anymore
No one asks about the mirrored smiles
About the summer dresses in December
About the just a little bit too much eye makeup that made it harder to see the tears
No one asks about how she used to leave the room during sex ed because she couldn't have another panic attack
About how she would never share in class
About how maybe she wore long sleeves for a reason
About her cat that scratched her
A lot
No one asks about how clumsy she was
So clumsy she always had black eyes from falling somewhere
About the pills in the bathroom that one time
About how her mom would never pick her up when she was sick
No one asks about when she cried
A lot
About how she was always at a friend's house
About that week she needed crutches and cried when you asked her what happened
No one asks about her stepdad
But there's a reason for that
About the bullet from the 9 Millimeter
About the hole in her head
About how her last word was "love"
About the shade of red that stained her bed sheets afterward
No one asks about the morning after
No one asks about the mom that "couldn't make it" to her daughter's funeral
About the mom who was too busy snorting whatever was on that godforsaken table to realize that the only worthwhile thing she'd ever created was all gone
About the man beside her
The stepdad
The monster under her daughter's bed
Only it wasn't a nightmare
It wasn't something you wake up from the same as you went into it
It wasn't a story
It wasn't
No one asks about the notes taped to her locker
The ones that called her Fat
The ones that called her Whore
The ones that called her Easy
The ones that called her Freak
The ones that told her to kill herself
Those were the ones that kept coming
No one asks who sent them
No one asks why
No one asks
~Jordan Wilkerson, 2016
If you or a loved one has experienced suicidal thoughts or actions, please call the National Suicide Hotline at:
1-800-273-TALK(8255)
Remember that you are loved in this world, and I urge you to find help if you need it. You are not alone.
