Meeting begins: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Benjamin Franklin and Alexander Hamilton all sit in a conference room recognizing only each other but rightfully perplexed about where they are in terms of location and actual time. Jefferson smugly spins around in a swivel office chair.
Gentlemen, I am sure you are all wondering why you have suddenly been gathered together 240 years after our nation’s inception. Well, the reason is that in today’s political landscape you are all used as examples to fuel the propaganda and agendas of different parties. Our country is also vastly different from what you remember it as, and for that reason I would like to give you each an update on the goings-on in America...and apologize for our transgressions against your wishes and wise words.
President Washington, in your farewell address you warned against international alliances and factions. Do I have bad news for you, sir. Not only do we have multiple alliances with multiple countries, but the United States is actually the founder and leader in all of them. We have trade deals with Canada and Mexico (New Spain), we have military alliances with the whole of Western Europe and Southeast Asia, and what’s more we are one of the five most powerful leading countries in an organization we created called the United Nations. As a gentleman such as you might agree, if one makes an agreement, they are obligated to stand by their word; however, the current Republican candidate (the party shares some characteristics with the Democratic Republican Party of your time) believes that we should not only abandon our allies to our adversaries, but those that wish the protection of the United States must pay for it. As if to use the strongest military in the world as a group of organized thugs or mercenaries or private security, than as an army meant to protect the sovereignty and freedom of nations lacking the strength to do so themselves. As for parties, I again apologize, your excellency. While multiple parties exist in the United States, two have emerged to create a political landscape of corrupt manipulation and governmental gridlock. Basically, you were right, sir. Political parties have divided the country, but where political parties used to stand on how government should be run -- like in the times of Adams and Jefferson -- our parties are more concerned with preserving their Christian value” out of fear for the unknown because apparently they have been persecuted in this country.
Presidents Adams and Jefferson, there is not much to say besides the fact that the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution -- which was written based on the Massachusetts Constitution which you wrote Mr. Adams -- have held fast for the past two and a half centuries, and the debate still rages over strict versus loose interpretations of the Constitution. However, the tone of the debate has changed. President Adams, you wished for a “government of laws and not of men” but it seems that men -- and parties -- drunk with power and blinded by greed have bought out Congress to line their own pockets. People argue for strict interpretation of the second amendment, granted the right to bare arms in a regulated militia, but then have no issue supporting a constitutional amendment that would ban an individual's right to marry or live the life they want. Hypocrisy abounds, and yet the people are too complacent to make a change in a major way. The tree of liberty is watered with the blood of tyrants and patriots alike, President Jefferson, but its watering is violent, infrequent and suppressed. And when some grand achievement is reached in the name of liberty, the party opposing the initial goals of the movement immediately tries to disrupt or undo the changes done.
And while we speak of personal liberties and freedoms, Mr. Franklin... probably the most interesting character of our revolution, I speak not of your invention to put a basket over a woman’s head if you do not want to look at her in bed, but your statement that “those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.” Well, sir, it would appear that America deserves neither, because as we speak the government could listen to my phone calls -- imagine shouting at a brick and someone across the world can hear you -- or my text messages (automated electric mail) without me knowing or without the court order of a judge. This goes against the Fourth Amendment of the Constitution, yet it is law and when someone exposes this governmental crime, he is labeled treasonous and forced to flee the country. What’s more is that people seem to have forgotten that “nothing is certain but death and taxes” because a certain party has just decided that income taxes are unnecessary, and that the citizens of one state should not pay a federal tax to help out their neighboring states. Sound familiar, Secretary Hamilton? Don’t worry, your National Bank still exists; although the original was destroyed, we have a Second Bank of the United States instead, which is heavily in debt. But it is still afloat and our economy is growing strong. In lighter news, your life story has become a smashingly successful Broadway musical. Silver linings, right?
Gentlemen, I know my America is not the America you know or created, and I know that the picture I have drawn for you is the very summation of all your greatest fears. Our great nation has done some morally questionable things in its history, but I assure you that even with all these problems, our great republic is far from finished. We expanded from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and while that came at a cost, we also incorporated people from different lands and different cultures. We became the world’s melting pot. We freed our slaves and diverged into Civil War to do so, we gave women the vote and protected democracy around the world from dictators, fascists and monsters. The United States has become the staple of global culture with our actors, writers and artists and become the center of technological innovation and development. America has endured economic crisis, governmental stagnation, religious extremism, racism and almost every disaster imaginable. However, we survived, gentlemen. So from where you watch us, do not lose hope. We are the great American experiment; everything you did set a precedent and an example to follow. Today we are the oldest functioning democracy, and with each passing day we continue the legacy you set down to paper.
The purpose of this meeting was two-fold, gentleman. First, to update you on the status of our not-so-brand-new nation, but also to assuage you that while your fears were well founded, the United States will survive this turbulent time and continue forward. The State of our Union is strong.
