So even though I am 22 years old, I realized at a young age that how you feel is crucial. I know you are thinking, well duh. However, ask yourself throughout the day everything you do to try and control your mood and sensations. College kids go out drinking and dancing, maybe even doing more hardcore things. Severely sad individuals may try to "eat their feelings". We go to a psychiatrist to try and get an orange little bottle that will take the discomfort away. It is only human to try and feel good. I wonder when and how we are taught to ignore the bad or sensitive feelings. Who originally said that crying is something only girls do, and why are women only looked at as emotional beings.

Over time, meditation has done wonders for me. Yes, it is very hard, and very boring at the beginning, but it is so worth it. I realized that I have addictive tendencies and that I really try and control my feelings. When I wake up, to when I go to sleep. I am constantly checking in with my inner self to see how I feel. I always want to feel good, and I guess feeling good (for me) is associated with extreme feelings of pleasure. This is crazy because I soon discovered that every feeling there is, there is an opposite to that feeling as well. It is weird, you have to feel them all, you really cannot run from your emotions, and yet we are taught to "be strong" and fight those feelings of weakness.

I very much recognize that I am an emotional person, and no it has nothing to do with my sexuality. I think about how humbled I am that I am gay. I really get to look at how social norms are just benefiting a certain group, and how that certain group, created social norms. I get to see how men treat men, and how men treat women and all that jazz. I almost think it is a gift in disguise that I am gay. Some may not understand it, but that is OK, they have problems. Ya know, I used to preach and believe that judging is harmful, that in the end you only judge yourself. Well now I know that it is safe, maybe even smart to judge. You need to be aware of your surroundings and make sure that healthy, positive people are in your life. This is what meditation has done for me. There is something about taking deep breaths and relaxing that just really makes you think clearer, and understand yourself better. I know things now that I almost think are worth more than money. I can recognize evil people, who enjoy watching others suffer. I think the ones who understand how powerful meditation is, are the lucky ones who do it.