At the end of 2016, I wrote a long letter to myself about everything that happened that year. I recorded everything that took place, in detail, from that year. Since then, every end of the year I’ve written a page or two on what events took place. I turn twenty years old this week and I'm realizing that I don’t want to measure my life in years. I don’t want to live according to months and weeks. I don’t want to live thinking, “today is Wednesday, the week is almost over, I should be in a good mood by then.”
I don’t want to be like J. Alfred Prufrock when he complains, “For I have known them all already, known them all: Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons, I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” I like coffee, but to measure my life by the number of days I’m alive is so dull and monotonous. Of course in T.S. Eliot’s poem, there exists a man who has many complaints about the life in which he lives. I don’t compare my thoughts entirely with his. However, I do find myself sometimes focusing too much on things that don’t deserve my undivided attention. I compartmentalize my life into work shifts, class periods, time to study, exercise time, etc.
I take the days for granted. I forget the people I once knew that won’t see the sun rise and fall today. I forget to be grateful for the life I’ve been given. I forget to remember verses like 1 Timothy 2:5-6, “For, there is one God and one Mediator who can reconcile God and humanity—the man Christ Jesus. He gave his life to purchase freedom for everyone. This is the message God gave to the world at just the right time.”
I forget that I answer to Jesus. My plans are nothing because what do I really have control over in this life anyway? Hebrews 12:1-2 says, “Therefore since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.”
I’m not going to measure my life in coffee spoons, I won’t divide my life into years. Like the wind, I'll go along with the time as it flows from day to day like the breeze, hour to hour like the waves. Because He didn’t tell me to live according to any clock or calendar, He just told me to live.