Is the trash out at the end of the road?
Crap, I left his bottle on the counter.
Okay, buckle him in.
"It's okay Remington. Momma will be right back to give you bottle."
I have to hurry before someone thinks I left my child in the car even though the AC is on...
Purse, check. Diaper bag, check. Clothes for job number two this evening, check.
"Okay Remington, we are off to daycare."
Lord, I am so tired. I really need to start writing early in the week. Wait did I email my editor back?
CRAP!
I left my phone.
I took this all on. Three jobs, writing, and raising a little boy as a single mom. I don't regret any of it. Sometimes, my world seems a little flipped upside down. I want success though. I want to be known for busting my butt to provide for myself and Remington. So I chose three jobs knowing that I am gonna be run ragged. I want to do something in this life that I love. So I chose to write.
I had a customer at the bar where I work at tell me, "I know it seems like you need to accomplish all these things, but you should really focus on spending time with your son rather than miss it due to work and not writing about it instead of actually living it."
You might be right my dear. IN YOUR WORLD.
Working three jobs isn't easy. I wake up to work nine hours at one job then nine hours at another. I will work from 8:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. and then 7:00 p.m. to 3:00-3:30 a.m. and then right back up to work at 8:30 a.m. the next day sometimes. Somewhere in there I fit writing, editing, and revising articles. It's a task. Failure is not an option for me. Going broke is not a choice I will allow. I know what it is like to eat bread and butter for dinner three nights in a row because that is seriously all that is in the house. I know I am missing some of my child's firsts in life. The way I see it though, at this point, he can't remember if I am there or not. I want to work and build a stable future for us for when he can remember I was there. I never want him to remember us struggling for anything. That's not how I want my son to look back on his childhood. I want him to see that he never had to wonder where his dinner was coming from or if I was going to be home for dinner. So, ma'am you might be right, IN YOUR WORLD.
I have been writing since I was young. It was an outlet for me to cope with a lot of things. Secretly stored in my home are journals full of letters to people that were never supposed to be sent, mostly ones to my dad. There are pages full of quotes, songs, and entries, just like what I post now, that fill up the pages. Pages that you could find stained due to late nights crying. Pages that make me, me. I have a inbox full of girls coming to me about advice on life, their own personal issues, and writings of their own that they just want someone to listen to. I write for people to relate. I write for people to see that those dark truths about how they feel are all right. I write for people to look at things in a different light. At the same time, at the end of the day, if no one agrees or relates, that's all right because I still wrote for my own personal release.
I have never felt more accomplished with writing than when I was out and I had a girl come up to me asking me If I was myself, and I simply said yes, thinking she was gonna associate me with my sons father, like I ALWAYS get. She didn't, she got overly excited and told me how she loved reading my writings. She told me about how she cried to one of my pieces because it was about everything that she couldn't say out loud. This girl who had mentioned she didn't know me from Adam but had seen my posts through others who had shared my work and could relate to my writings. One day, Remington will be telling his kids about the things I have done with my life. Some of the things I have done I might fret at a little bit, but among them all he will tell them about how I wrote. He will go on and on about the things I had expressed, the things that people would tell me about them, about how far I had reached out to people through writing. I know that in that moment I will be so proud. He will be proud of me. That is what I look forward to in life.
So, ma'am you might be right, IN YOUR WORLD.
