Abusive relationships change you as a person. Every time you begin to get close to someone you'll think, "oh no, what if he treats me the same way?" Abusive relationships, rather physical or emotional will damage you forever. All of the "what if's" or "what could have been's" are what's still getting to me. There's still a piece of me that wants to blame all of his behavior on myself.
Maybe he doesn't hit you but he threatens to kill himself when you finally tell yourself today is the day you'll leave him. You stay in the relationship because you feel guilty and then end up being manipulated even more. Maybe he doesn't hit you but he ends up destroying every single relationship you have with your friends. He makes it to where you feel guilty hanging out with anyone other than him, including your sister, and eventually you just stop trying to hang out with anyone.
Maybe he doesn't hit you but the mental scars from his words and actions will always be worse than any physical harm he could do. The mental damage done lasts far longer than any scar or bruise. Maybe he doesn't hit you but he does tell you you're worthless and will never amount to anything. Maybe he doesn't hit you but he makes you question your worth constantly. If you hear you're worthless enough you'll eventually begin to believe it.
Maybe he doesn't hit you but he checks your text messages, Facebook messages and your Snapchat just to accuse you of things you didn't do. Maybe he doesn't hit you but he has no problem insulting your intelligence, making fun of your weight or saying you're stupid. He has no problem treating you like crap and telling you no matter what you do it won't ever be good enough for him.
Maybe he doesn't hit you but if he doesn't respect your boundaries that isn't love. If he makes you feel afraid or worried constantly, remember love doesn't hurt. You learn to cling to the good memories to make up for all the terrifying and hurtful moments. Maybe he doesn't hit you but he tells you no one would ever want you and you wind up believing him. Maybe he doesn't hit you but he fails to communicate and resolve issues that are hurting you because he enjoys having power and leverage over you. Maybe he doesn't hit you but he says that you should be grateful he doesn't. I should be grateful you don't hit me? Wow.
If the hashtag #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou doesn't hit home with you, be thankful you have never experienced an abusive relationship. If it does hit home for you there's something you need to know: he will not change. It will not get better and you need to get out of the relationship. There's no reason to stay and continually break your own heart. Looking back now it's absolutely absurd thinking about all the abuse I put up with. Maybe he doesn't hit you.. but you're still picking up the pieces months/years later. Maybe he doesn't hit you but if you're sitting there thinking "oh, God. How did I get here?" Yeah, it's been that bad before. You wonder how you let yourself get this far in the relationship. You can still leave. It is never too late to leave.
"You didn't love her. You just didn't want to be alone or maybe she was good for your ego or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn't love her.. Because you don't destroy people you love."
"People don't stay in a domestic violent relationship because they want to. They stay befue they are afraid of the alternative."-GPS Grace Power Strength Blog
A Narcissist's Prayer: That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did? You deserved it.
You are not alone. You are allowed to ask for help. You deserve to be supported. You deserve to be truly loved. Hitting is not love. Mind games are not love. Put downs are not love. Stalking is not love. Jelousy is not love. Controlling is not love. Do not be afraid to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. 1-800-799-7233
