Warning: This is not some success story about me learning to appreciate myself and finding someone to love me, too.

I hate my appearance. This isn't an "oh pity me" scenario. It is the truth, at least it's my truth.

They say my body's a temple, but I think I'm walking among ruins. I have spent every moment of my life comparing the way I am to the way I wish I was. I wish I was thinner, with an hourglass figure. I wish I had longer hair and bigger eyes. I wish my freckles were just along my nose and cheeks, not all over my body. The thought of being a different person will never leave my mind. I wonder daily if something as little as my name could have affected the way I looked. I have done crazy things to try and change the way I've looked, yet none of them were the least bit effective.I have taken weight loss pills, I have worked out vigorously and dieted extremely. I have tried being balanced, and now I'm a vegan. I have done everything under the sun, and it has never been successful.

This isn't some success story about how I either a. found the love of my life who taught me how to love myself, nor is it b. where I learn to appreciate all my imperfections. I do not love myself, nor will I miraculously start doing so any time expected soon.

I always thought I would find someone who would teach me that I can love myself, but after time and time again I have only learned that the average man will love a fat chick less than she can love herself. Every time I thought my hypothesis was going to be rejected, my conclusion would only end with the statement "failed to reject."

So you may be asking, "Becky, why are you wasting a perfectly good article whining about your self-esteem?" Well good question my imaginary reader, I am writing about this because I know I am not alone. I am not the only human on this planet who hates the way they look. I will never be alone in this, but we spend so much of our lives being told the way we feel and want to express ourselves is unnecessary to obtain a successful life. A part of me believes this is true.

Until I got the job for The Odyssey, I spent most of my time bottling how certain scenarios made me feel or react. I am doing very well right now without expressing emotion. I am a leader, I work, and I am doing well in school. All without talking about my feelings.

What isn't right is that I am now emotionally detached from everything I do. This is because I have never learned how to attach myself to anything. I avoid feeling a connection because if it happens to come to an end, I do not want to feel pain.

I am unable to love myself because I cannot attach my body to my heart. If I love my body, but my body fails me, I will feel nothing but devastation. I will become the ruins my temple has left behind.

This is not a declaration of a journey I will begin, and it is not a successful story for someone to be inspired by. It is the acknowledgment that I am not where I wish I was mentally and physically, and what I do from here is a judgment call for another day. I am "wasting" an article to reach out to my followers, my readers. I want to hear your stories. I want to hear your advice. Not your weight loss advice, I will figure that out on my own (and no I do not want your skinny tea), I want your advice for this self-appreciation I and many others lack. I want to hear from you.