Mastering the art of Shoobie-ing may seem like a hard task, but you can do anything if you really set your mind to it. Although not a Shoobie myself, being a south Jersey native, I have gathered a plethora of tips, tricks and life hacks to master the art of “The Shoobie”. So slap that "Ocean City" bumper sticker on the back of your minivan, lace up those sketchers for a day on the beach, and dive right in.
1. Driving.
This is the first tip, and is by far the most important. In order to be a Shoobie, you must drive like one. You know that magic wand next to your steering wheel, that supposedly tells the people behind you which way you are turning? A turn signal, maybe? Whatever it's called, don’t use it. It's simply not necessary and by doing so is not how a proper Shoobie should act. Secondly, there is the speed limit rule. The sign says 25 mph? Go 15, maybe a solid 10 mph, just to be safe. There is nothing worse than someone who follows the actual speed limits, and anyone who does so is not a Shoobie. Lastly, there is the parking situation; since you will be taking up a majority of the parking spaces you might as well learn how to do it right. Double parking? Perfect. Just make sure that if the spot can fit two cars, you take up as much space as you possibly can.
2. Fine dining.
The Jersey Shore is known for its upscale pizza and curly fry joints, which you can find just about anywhere. Manco & Manco is your go-to, and is by far the tastiest cardboard you’ll ever have. It is so worth waiting from here to eternity for, and easily, the biggest Shoobie staple. Make sure to not tip your waitress well, and complain that the food is taking too long. It's totally their fault. Another thing you must remember is that if a restaurant begins to show the tell-tale signs of closing time, head on in, take a seat! Take your good ol’ time as well. Enjoy the atmosphere and the kind staff that may or may not want to kill you right now. (The same goes for clothing stores and other establishments.)
3. Crosswalks.
We all know what they are, those lovely black and white sripes in the street. The thing is, they are completely optional for you Shoobies! After all, you have the right of way, even if it means running right into traffic! Forget what you learned in school, and don’t look both ways; the cars should stop. You score brownie points if you run into traffic with your kids in the stroller!
4. Wildlife.
In a food coma from all the Johnson's popcorn you've consumed, but still have leftovers? Feed it to the seagulls! Resturant owners and passersby love being swarmed by flocks of gulls. There is nothing better then getting your overpriced food snatched by a gull.
5. Dressing the part.
6. Beach etiquette.
The beach is probably the main reason you’ve visited the shore in the first place, so you might as well do it right. Make sure you pack as if you were going to live there. This means umbrellas, coolers, tents, boogie boards, 10 beach buckets, five shovels and 12 towels. You may think this is a bit much, but trust me, mama didn’t raise no fool.
Now once you’ve made it to the vast beach with plenty of space, sit next to the closet family you see. Sit so close that you can almost hear their breathing. (If they have their sneakers on, it’s a fellow Shoobie.) Remember, people go to the beach to make friends, not relax. This would also be a great time to feed those seagulls! When you are finished for the day, take your 12 towels and shake that extra sand off the best you can. You cannot get a speck of sand in that minivan. It may look like you’re getting sand in the surrounding peoples' eyes, but fear not, it's probably just the sun. Just listen to Taylor and "Shake it Off".
I know it may seem like a lot to take in, but don’t worry, there isn’t a written exam at the end. The test is simply how you apply the above. Just don’t forget to thank me later.
