“Anyway, it doesn't matter how much, how often, or how closely you keep an eye on things because you can't control it. Sometimes things and people just go. Just like that.”
- Cecilia Ahern
It's true that you can't really control when things or people or places in your life just aren't there anymore. You can't control why you will miss or when you will miss, but you can control how you will miss. It took me a while to master the art of missing. And if I am being honest, I am still working on it every day. To miss is to long for something or someone or someplace you no longer have secure in your pocket. No one really stresses when you are a child how hard it is to miss. No one really explains what a long process it is to overcome and understand missing. Because when we are growing up, we are constantly adding things to our own little worlds. Every day, we meet new friends, learn new songs, absorb new books, and take in all the fresh gifts life offers. Without even a trace of a thought that they could ever be taken away from us. Growing up, for a moment it seems as though we have our whole lives to savor these things held dear to our hearts. It seems that you can just keep them in a little box and hold them forever. Until one day you experience loss. Until one day, one of those treasures that life gave you is taken away from you.
The first step to overcome missing is to understand missing. It comes in doses and hits you when you don't expect. Maybe you see something that reminds you of your grandmother, or a building that reminds you of your hometown. The art of missing can be a happy experience as well. You can be transported to memories of joy while missing. Every person is different so everyone misses differently. You can miss home, then when you're home, you miss school, miss the past, miss something or someone you never even had, miss your mom, miss an old friend, miss your dog, miss ballet class, miss soccer practices, miss things and places only you knew about. FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), a personal favorite, is a self-proclaimed disease almost everyone in my family has. We do not like to miss out on the fun. But we shouldn't fear this feeling. It is a natural instinct to miss and long. And it is good because it gives us the gift of appreciation. And it gives us an empty canvas to fill with more things to love and build on and miss all over again.
Going to college was the first time this harsh reality hit me like a brick. It wasn't just one of those treasures that was far away..it was a lifetime of treasures. My home, my mom, my dad, my brothers, the lake, my friends. It felt like the world I had taken my whole life to build and grow in had been torn out from under my feet. I missed. I missed very badly. And everyday for a while. But by the end of the year, I had become aware that this feeling was just going to be apart of my life now. I realized that because I am getting older, there will never be a time in my life where I won't miss something or someone anymore. I realized that this feeling can actually add depth and color and meaning to my life. And that's when I decided to become a master of it. Practice the art of missing whenever you feel it. Don't push it away, but control it. And if you feel loss in your world, remember to:
1. Take a breath and tell yourself that it's just life.
Really! It is just life. We are all doing it. Sometimes you just have to shake it off.
2. Accept that your life is a constant reel of change.
Accept that you are going to build beautiful sets in your life and then parts of those sets will be taken away or redecorated or added to. The sets in life change. And accept that you are going to have so many moments and people in your life that you will long for at one point. And what a gift that is that you are able to love something so much that you are able to feel grief when it's over.
3. Use the empty place to your advantage.
Fill the void with anything and everything. Create friendships. Make mistakes. Do that one thing you always wanted to do.
4. Keep missing.
It isn't a bad thing to miss. You just can't let it win. You have to dance with it. You have to become a master of it.
