I was tired of pretending that I was someone else just to get along with people, just for the sake of having friendships.
-Kurt Cobain
The perfect gift for a person who wants to be swallowed in the sea of people is a mask. That's right! A mask. If you have social anxieties, no problem! We have a mask for you. Why allow yourself to become vulnerable with close friends, let alone perfect strangers? Fear is a ubiquitous emotion involved in many other emotions. It comes in different forms: anger, depression, anxiety, apathy, etc. As fear takes over, the perfect masks for the occasion are ones I like to call apathy and anger. They are two masks with which I am well acquainted.
When someone decides to demean you in some manner, I find turning the other cheek to be quite unfruitful. Isn't an indifferent attitude more effective anyway? I find much more power in putting on the mask of apathy. Instead of letting yourself be hurt by mere words, you can stare the person in the eye as if you were dead inside. I'll give a personal example. When I'm at work and a customer decides to berate me because of X, Y, and/or Z, I can ignore their insult and indifferently say, "have a good day!" The control one feels in such a situation! The stranger tries to take control by cursing and screaming at you, but who is truly in control?
The anger mask is similarly potent. It can be a powerful front in times of stress or anxiety. A good example is found in a Psychology Today article which describes our tendency to cover up fear with anger. Personally, when I try to explain something and someone doesn't understand, anger seems justified. "Why are they so fucking stupid?" It'd be ludicrous to blame me for not explaining the concept well. How dare they think such a thing! Instead of apologizing and revealing a weakness, a good eye roll does the trick. When my kids don't listen to me, instead of trying something new, I prefer to yell at them, and make them listen to me. I don't see the flaws in that parenting style. An even better example is social media debating. Truly, it is the penultimate example. Just because you have a strong opinion about a topic with which you're ignorant, if you insult or distract the other person enough, you win the debate. See the vaccine debate, GMO controversy, 2016 election for ad hominem attacks ad nauseum.
Behind the mask, tears can be falling down your 33 year old face (where the hell did the water works come from?). Why do we care what others think of us anyway? Why do we give them power when they deserve a shovel across the throat? Loneliness can be one culprit. Fear of something new and uncomfortable. Fear of sounding stupid. Fear of being ignored. Fear of devaluation. The desire to have a voice in the crowd is daunting. If no one is listening, then it's better to be the outsider. The outsiders are the cool cats, anyway!
Who needs a shotgun when you have the perfect mask? It's better than dealing with the crippling fear that's taken over. However, maybe dealing with our insecurities may help. One day, this Christ fella told me to be myself. He took my mask, wiped my face, and stepped on the ceramic mold. I am now free to apologize to my kids, cry during Marly and Me, and make my vulnerability transparent for all to see. This is the mask to replace all masks: objective truth.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
-Christ
