I scream. I've been diagnosed. There's a virus inside of me, and it continues to spread throughout my body. I can't get rid of it. I knew in that very moment that pain became my best friend.
No one can see me like this. What would they think? I have to be strong, you know, hold up this image. So, I put on the "TyAsia's" very own masks, to hold up this image. I tell myself, they can't see the tears I've cried that late night when my family found out my stepdad was murdered. The one time I came to school hungry because my mother couldn't afford to buy groceries for the month. Or the time when I first met my biological father. Piece by piece, my masks are coming along pretty strong, don't you think?
Pain greeted me at a time where I had nothing, absolutely nothing. It explored me from head to toe, finding my most vulnerable moments. In this case, I became a victim of a controlling monstrous beast. This beast fed off my difficulties and insecurities in life. It knew me at my best and worst, where to get me good. I can't escape it. Something new is happening in my life, and it longs for new feelings.
The amazing thing about life is that lightness will always prevail. Whether you are going through depression or a bad breakup, a light will find a way to shine into your life. With pain comes the recovery process, and though I wasn't expecting one, but it came. Drowning in fear, I never expected to see the light. People always say life comes at you and you just coexist with it. However, I say otherwise. This world is no joke. I've had to mature before the time came, and it broke my view of the world. I saw things differently, and I still see things differently. These last four years of my life I felt alone and ashamed. I hid from the people I loved the most and those who care deeply about me.
I feel my mask shattering. The pieces that helped shape the mask are falling. Piece by piece, they disappear. This mask was my best friend. We were like two. Screwed into my head, the mask that hid my most painful moments in life is gone.
I don't scream anymore. I've been cleared from the virus. I don't wear masks around here.
