I'm In Love With A Transgender, So I Married Him

I'm In Love With A Transgender, So I Married Him

It's not any different than being married to the love of your life.

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I talked about dating a transman, being engaged/planning a wedding and now I'm married to him. My second article talked about relearning about the person that I was in love with in What's It Like To Date A TransMan. I went on to talk about being engaged to my love. It was a whirlwind because we were battling societal norms mixed with traditional wedding stresses, but when you think about it wasn't worth my grey hairs. Weddings are sometimes the most stressful situation in a person's life.

To be honest, being married to a Transgender male isn't any different than if I married another human. Transgenders are human and experience the same things as biological genders. He is the same man that I fell in love with 3 years ago. When you fall in love with a transgender, you meet all of the sides of their personality all at once. Just like a "normal" person, they go through changes. When you marry someone, you marry all of their transitions. A person can be a way one year and be different the next. If you take marriage seriously, you will end up with "multiple spouses" in one body.

Marriage is what you put into it. You wouldn't expect to take out more money then you have in your checking account, so why would you take out more then you put into your marriage. During the last year, my husband and I put a lot of thought into our lives, and we went into this marriage knowing that we were going to have it rough the first couple of years. We aren't a traditional couple nor do we have a socially accepted beginning of marriage. Neither one of us has a college degree and we aren't stable financially, but we aren't going through the rough parts alone. There is a certain encouragement when you have your spouse to support and be your cheerleader during these times.

Growing up, I never thought I would get married. I thought that I was a weirdo for loving everyone as they are. Just a few years ago, I knew about Transgenders but I didn't know much about the topic. I knew that they are human and are going on a different journey than I am. If you would have told me back then that I would be married to my best friend who happens to be Transgender, I would have told you that you have a couple of nuts and bolts loose.

Marriage is different for everyone and being married to a transgender is an experience that I feel like no one should look down upon. I find that there is more love in someone who is going through a challenge of experiencing who they are then other biological sex relationships. There is a spark when you have someone to help you through the roller coaster of hormone therapy and the multiple surgeries that go into a transition. My husband and I's relationship isn't perfect because we still have some growing up to do but I wouldn't trade the experience for the world. He has made me a better person because of his journey.

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A Thank You Letter to My Fiance

You've outdone yourself in every way, ever.
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To the man who got down on one knee just a few days ago,

Thank you. I'm not thanking you for proposing to me. That would be silly. I'm thanking you for so, so much more. Since you've come into my life, you've brought so much goodness, fun and laughter along with you. It goes so much deeper than that though. You've helped me become the best version of me, and that's something I'll never be able to repay. There are so many little things you've done that I just can't go any longer without putting it down in writing. This is an ode to you, the man that took his rough hands and helped mold me into the best version of me.

Thank you for seeing past my façade. I know I was in a rough spot before we started dating. I had come out of a terrible relationship, and I never thought I would be happy again. I put up a wicked wall. I put up walls that were covered in dark lipstick and an attitude that I didn't need a single person other than myself. You saw right through that. You saw someone that was hurting, and desperately needed someone but didn't want to get hurt again. It took you months, but eventually brick by brick, the wall came down.

Thank you for your patience. I'm not an easy person to love sometimes, I can admit that. I'm anxious, and I'm stubborn when I have a point to prove. I can have days that I think the world is ending because work just isn't going right. There are other days that I feel like I'm invincible and nothing can touch me. Thank you for going through all of these ups and downs with me. You don't just go through them with me, but you talk me through it, or as you call it, "talking me off the ledge". It's a weekly occurrence. I can't believe I get to marry someone that not only understands my moods and my anxiousness but who wouldn't want me any other way.

Thank you for bringing out the best version of me. When we met, I was going through a rough spot. I had stopped really caring about doing my makeup or feeling pretty. I know a lot of girls would say that it shouldn't matter, but for me, it was something I so enjoyed. When we met, I was working a really male oriented job. I felt the need to fit that mold and be a tomboy in order to be respected and taken seriously at work. You gave (and still give me) the outlet to be my feminine self whenever I want to be. You don't make me feel guilty for taking forever to do my makeup, and you gladly come into Sephora with me. Even though you're probably annoyed with me by the time we leave because I've smeared half a dozen different shadows on your arm and two lip pigments, you swear to me that you wouldn't have it any other way or with anyone else.

Thank you for opening my eyes to new things. Before I met you, I had never been to a race track, never mind ridden in a race car. The day after you asked me to be your girlfriend, you took me to your first race of the season. I was so naïve to what I should dress like. I wore some cutesy outfit, not knowing that I would be able to get my hands dirty and use some of the skills I had learned elsewhere. I had such an amazing time that day, I kept taking days off so that I could go to races with you. I wouldn't trade that for the world, and I love being 'one of the drivers' girls'. The day you put my name on your car, my heart fluttered the entire day. You've made me feel so special, even in the smallest of ways.

Thank you for going above and beyond for me. You've always gone above and beyond for me. Every month on the seventh without fail, you've shown up at my door with white flowers. There isn't a day that goes by that you don't do something for me, even if it's as simple as wiping down my car or making sure I've had something to eat before class at night. The way you proposed just takes the cake. At 1,882 feet, you asked me to be your wife. You drove all the way up to Rangeley, Maine on a Friday night to get down on one knee. You spent countless hours at the jeweler making sure that you had gotten the ring of my dreams. You wrote me a whole speech, that you immediately forgot when you got down on one knee. You even went as far as to have a bottle of champagne and pink roses waiting in the car after. Above and beyond doesn't even begin to cover it most days.

Thank you, my love. Thank you for all that you do for me, and for us. All of the time you put in and the effort you've put into helping me become the very best version of me, even if it meant sacrificing sleep sometimes. You have truly outdone yourself in every way, and I couldn't ask for a better person to call my future husband.



Cover Image Credit: Alyson Perry

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Bisexuality And Pansexuality Are The Same Thing

A suitable rant for today's society

JordynL
JordynL
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Before I begin, I do have friends that identify as homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual, and transgender. They all know how I feel about this issue and understand. The majority happens to agree, which I think is interesting and fantastic.

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In today's society, it seems that everyone needs their own title to feel special and significant. They don't want to be caught in a loop that isn't "theirs" or be associated with something that they are, in fact, definitely associated with. Sexual identities, sexualities, and genders are a GIGANTIC factor with this issue because people are finding more obscure ways to explain things so they are able to feel like an individual.

Back in the less complicated days, there were homosexual, bisexual, and heterosexual people; plain and simple. One was attracted to the same sex, one was attracted to both men and women, and the other was attracted to the opposite sex. But now, there's all these different sexual categories that are honestly unnecessary and just cause meaningless confusion. Confusion arises when most sexualities are literally the same thing, but people don't want to see it that way. Examples? Bisexuality and Pansexuality.

By definition, bisexuality is the romantic, sexual, and emotional attraction/sexual behavior toward both males and females, or romantic and sexual attraction to people of any sex or gender identity; the latter aspect is sometimes alternatively termed pansexuality.

By definition, pansexuality (or omnisexuality--i.e. also the same thing by the way) is the sexual, romantic, and emotional attraction towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity. Pansexual people may refer to themselves as gender-blind, including people that are outside the gender binary; a branch of bisexuality.

Both have attraction to any sex or gender identity; men, women, transgender. Literally the only difference is that pansexual people can be attracted to non-binary people, which still are biological men and women, and/or recognize more than two genders. But after all, THERE ARE ONLY TWO GENDERS.

Yes, trans people have their own title and I won't argue that. But where this is concerned, they are transitioning from one biological sex to the other.

Same concept.

Bisexuality is the overall term. Pansexuality is an unnecessary branch of bisexuality. They are the same thing.

JordynL
JordynL

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