As a millennial, I feel like I’m not supposed to want marriage right away or even at all. I’m pressured to live and breathe total independence so I can be a member of this generation. While a millennial certainly does not need marriage in order to be happy, what if you WANT marriage in order to be happy?
Occasionally, I tell people that I am in a long-term relationship and would marry the person I’m with if he asked. The response I get 99 percent of the time is complete bewilderment. To them, “I want to get married at a young age,” sounds like “I want to go to jail for fun.” This is a problem.
Fun fact: I am a very independent person and always have been. I grew up as an only child with two working, divorced parents and was often left with plenty of alone time. This alone time made me grow up quicker than most and I began to enjoy fending for myself. However, I am also a relationship person. I love knowing that there is someone in the world who understands me completely and accepts every part of who I am. Many people subscribe to the notion that a person cannot be both independent and in a committed relationship. I used to be one of those people, not because I truly believed it, but because I was conditioned to think that way by my peers.
In our society, being dependent on someone is often seen as negative because our definition of dependent is so limited. People often view dependence as an absolute. By absolute, I mean being completely reliant on another person to simply get through the day and enjoy life in general. While some people are certainly at this level in their relationships, many are not. There are people who depend on their relationship for certain benefits, which can be healthy. For example, I know that my significant other will always listen to what I have to say. Therefore, I depend on him as a place to share my personal thoughts and feelings. I also know that he will always be honest with me, so I depend on him for genuine guidance. You might notice that both of these characteristics can be considered good traits for any friend to have. So, why demean people in committed relationships when it’s essentially the same thing as having a quality person to experience life with? I think we all want the same thing, regardless of what label you give it: someone to be there.
In addition to being a millennial, I also consider myself a feminist. While I certainly entertain the “I am woman, hear me roar,” mentality, I also want to share my success with another person. However, I feel like in sharing my success with another person, the success is no longer my own even though I’m on the grind from sunup until sundown. Deep down I know the success is still my own, but there are far too many people who think that everything needs to be accomplished independently. In reality, I would not have been able to accomplish half of what I have without someone there to hold me accountable and encourage me when everything feels impossible. There have been countless moments when I’ve needed someone to tell me that I can do it and there is no reason to be ashamed of that.
If you are in a committed relationship and feel these conflicting emotions, don’t. I know it’s easier said than done, but the second you stop caring what people think about your relationship is the second you can start enjoying it even more. If people have a problem with what makes you happy in life, they are the problem. There is no reason why you can’t be happily independent, happily feminist, and happily in a relationship.
