I have loved Mariah Carey’s music since I was a little girl. At ten years old, “The Emancipation of Mimi” was the first album I ever bought with my own money and so it became the anthem of summer 2005 and beyond. I bought her perfume, cheered as she received her Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and devoutly followed her adventures on Instagram. For my 20th birthday, I flocked to her residency show at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas and cried nearly the whole time because I felt so emotional hearing the familiar songs I grew up with and cherished so much.
“Vision of Love” would always play in the car when my mom and I drove home from a long day of work and elementary school. Special thanks to 103.5 Soft Rock On the 10.
“We Belong Together” got me through my first break up. ‘Nuff said.
“Bye Bye” provided relief when my grandfather died and I struggled with expressing my grief.
Carey has sold 54,280,000 albums in the U.S. since Nielsen SoundScan began tracking music sales in January 1991. That's more than any other female artist. But as Mariah and I both aged, me into high school and eventually college and she into more modern R&B, I realized I could no longer blindly admire her. Her voice-- that gorgeous, silky five-octave range-- wasn't enough to qualify her as my favorite artist. Furthermore, my taste in music matured and I began to appreciate work that communicated messages beyond love, heartbreak, and cheating partners. Ultimately, however, it was her diva personality and obnoxious character that made me start to second guess my lifelong relationship with Mariah and her music.
Like when she hosted the most insane episode of MTV’s Cribs in 2002. Oblivious to how mere mortals may live, Carey gave us a tour complete with an outfit change, a bathroom she had once used only once, and fish she had trained to be nocturnal so she could see them.
Or when she put a backup singer in her place on live television. At 3:04 she says "Stop singing my part now, baby."
How about the time she exited a hospital with a dislocated shoulder and informed us, "You know those people we see on TV? They're professionals" ?
And finally, let us not forget when she refused to acknowledge the existence of Jennifer Lopez. And to this day still has no idea.
But it's all in good fun, right? She's a hardworking, successful, and insanely talented artist. Let her be a diva. Right?
I suppose my dilemma lies in the perceived connection I have felt with MC and her music throughout my life. Her behavior feels so damn personal to me. I can't help but feel let down when I realize her life is a million and one ways different from mine, a truth that unfortunately taints the way her music made me once feel, smile, smirk, and sometimes even cry along.
Needless to say, when I heard of her upcoming documentary series, Mariah’s World, I immediately felt nervous. You can watch the trailer below and decide for yourself.
My slow break-up from MC hurts, as does any realization that the public figures and idols we once admired are flawed humans like the rest of us. We have a terrible habit of idolizing celebrities regardless of whether they themselves strive to be people worth our praise. Perhaps it is something we just yearn for.
"Mariah's World" will premiere on December 4th on E! Please note the show is a "docuseries" and not a reality show, as per Mariah's request.
