"Man up". "Don't be a pussy". "Only girls cry". "Tough it out". "That's so gay". All phrases men have heard before. They are told things like throughout their lives, and it usually starts from a very young age.
It could have come from a parent, a friend, a relative, or even a stranger. But wherever they heard it, it taught them very specific things about manhood.
These messages embedded in these words reinforce extremely harmful ideas about what it means to be a man. Let's look at two major things they do to men.
The first thing they do in teach Emotional Suppression. This is the idea that men don't (or shouldn't) express or feel emotions. Too often are men told to shove down their feeling, and put up a mask.
This is harming men, as they bury emotions and internalize things. Doing this will lead to unhealthy express of these emotions, in either anger, depression, or anxiety, etc.
In fact, Men who are depressed or suicidal don't seek help as much. An article on Healthy Debate.com said that "Studies show that in the year before they killed themselves, only 35 percent of men saw a mental-health practitioner, while 58 percent of women did." (https://healthydebate.ca/2017/08/topic/male-suicide)
They go on to add that "Women are actually more likely to try to kill themselves – three to four times more likely. But men are more likely to die from it. That's mainly due to two things: "One is that men use more lethal means [to attempt suicide], and the second is that they don't seek care as much," says Simon Hatcher, vice-chair of research for the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Ottawa." (https://healthydebate.ca/2017/08/topic/male-suicide)
Thus we can see that burying emotional does no good, and only further harms men. Human beings were meant to feel things and must be allowed to do so, no matter your gender.
The second thing that these phrases do to men is that they cause an Identity crisis. When men are told these things, it creates this checklist of things guys must be in order to "be a man" Such things are that men : Like sports (esp. football), Hunt, are fit and strong and are all about sex (to name a few) So when you don't like these things, and thus don't meet this checklist, you don't feel like a man, and have a crisis of who and what you are.
Now to be clear, I am not saying that liking these things is wrong, but it is wrong to say that liking these things is what makes you a man. Our culture tells us it is, but we have to realize that everyone is a different unique person, and no set of external things makes someone more manly than another. Being a man is something far deeper than that. Now there are a few things we can do to help with this issue.
First, Speak up when you see it. Don't be a passive bystander when you hear these phrase or ideas reinforced. Your words have so much power to speak the truth in the lives of a boy young and old alike. And even if no one is saying anything negative, choose to be that voice of positivity in their lives. (silence can teach just as much as words can)
Next, Encourage vulnerability. Cry in front of others. Share how you are really doing. Be an example of how to be open with fellow men.
Also, word to all the women reading, this article is extremely important for you all as well! These men are your friend, husbands, children, co-workers, and need to hear your help just as much to break free of this chain.
Now I will be honest, I generally like being a guy. But what cannot stand is the culture we create and perpetuate to other men about how they must act or be in order to measure and be "man enough".
As Justin Baldoni in his ted talk put it, "Are brave enough to be vulnerable... are you strong enough to be sensitive?.
For more video, websites, and social media pages on this topic go to:
https://www.ted.com/talks/justin_baldoni_why_i_m_d...
https://www.instagram.com/wearemanenough/?hl=en
http://www.wearemanenough.com/
