One of the most common worries among college freshmen is whether or not their friends from home will still be friends once they go off to college.
Going off to school can be both exciting and nerve-racking. There is so much newfound freedom and responsibility. The bad news is, there is so much freedom and responsibility.
Freshman have enough to worry about without the possibility of the friends that they've previously gone to for everything not really being friends anymore. Well, I can tell you one thing that will hopefully alleviate some of that stress: your best friend is thinking the same thing too.
Whether you've been friends since you were born or for a few months, a long-distance friendship takes work. A long-standing friendship is a lot like a romantic relationship-- both sides need to put in an effort to keep things going. You can't stop speaking until summer roles around and expect things to be exactly as they were before either of you went to school.
Everyone changes drastically in their first year of college. I'm not saying they'll be a completely different person, but they might have new interests, new ways of thinking, and they'll definitely have new friends. So don't get jealous or upset, just remember some things:
1. You've changed too.
Just as you're going to have to adjust to their new habits and attributes, they are going to have to adjust to yours. However, if you both want to maintain the friendship you can do this. In my experience they are still going to be the same friend that you've always known and loved, just more mature and probably more confident.
Maybe they've found a new love for biking, or they're super into the environment. Neither of these are bad things, and you don't have to pretend to be interested in them too, but you do have to recognize that they're going to want to spend time attending to those things.
Accept and appreciate the positive things that have come from their first year or quarter or semester of college and decide if you can deal with the less favorable ones.
2. Just because they have new friends doesn't mean they don't love you.
Coming back home after being away for months can easily make you question the status of your friendship. You may be wondering if you're still as close as you once were or if your friend has realized they don't like you as much as they used to.
You'll probably be able to tell if you guys aren't clicking anymore and can deal with that if it happens. However, don't trick yourself into believing it if there aren't any signs.
You have new friends too and I am sure they're just as worried as you are about who you like better.
On top of that, don't make them feel bad for spending time with their school friends. They've just spent nearly every day with these people for nine months, so don't worry if they hang out with you less to hang out with them more.
You're probably going to want to see your new friends too, for the record.
3. Be honest with yourselves.
Keeping a friendship going that clearly doesn't work anymore is pointless. It can be admittedly hard to come to terms with the fact that you don't mesh like you used to.
But if you care about the person and if your friendship meant a lot to you, then don't simply stop talking.
It is ok to admit to both yourselves and each other that you are different people now.
4. Put in an effort.
Expecting your friend to text and call you on the regular is ridiculous unless you expect the same out of yourself.
You can't complain that they never reach out if you haven't either. Send a 'how are you' text or a 'we should FaceTime this week' once in a while. If they don't respond or if they never follow through then you've done all that you can do.
If they don't reciprocate or if it's always you trying to start the conversation then it can be an indication that they don't care about the friendship like you do.
5. Communicate.
If you are the friend that has little interest in keeping the friendship going then say something. Don't make your former bestie feel bad because you can't be honest.
If you do want to keep the friendship going then a simple, single-sentenced text can go a long way. Every correspondence doesn't have to be a lengthy conversation. Even letting them know you miss them can go a long way.
This might have sounded like a whole lot of advice on how to deal with your relationship, but as I said before it's applicable to both.
The reality is that you're not going to stay in touch with everyone. Some people that you thought you'd always be friends with are those that you never speak to again. But that's just life.
Find those few solid friends and keep those going, because as much as you'll love the friends you're going to make, they don't yet know you quite like your friends from home do.
