Dear my forever and always,

I never would have imagined telling you, my third-grade crush, that I love you. Especially since you ran away from me in the elementary school gym after I told you how I felt so many years ago. Even though you ran away then, most likely to the other side of the gym with your current romance of the time, we never lost our friendship.

There we were senior year of high school, me preparing to move four and a half hours away. But you were my physics buddy, my lunch companion, and my best friend. You were always there.

You were there on arguably the worst night of my life and you were there on the best. I will never forget turning away from looking fear in the eyes to seeing you standing there with open arms and wearing an ugly pug Christmas sweater. And I most certainly will never forget laying in Amber’s front yard looking up the stars, ignorant to the world we are living in now.

You deserve a thank you—actually you deserve much more but that it is what I have to offer you. Thank you for showing me what happiness means. What it means to wake up every day and be content and comfortable with the person next to me. Thank you for showing me it is possible to have fun doing laundry—as long as we are together. Thank you for showing me that lazy days on the couch make so much more sense next to the person that you love.

You showed me that it is okay to see the strength within myself and that its okay to cry too. There was once a time when I would have gone home alone on a bad day rather than calling someone who is willing to help. And now I have you to hold me when I am irrationally crying about not getting chocolate cake and when I’m rationally crying about something that hurt my feelings.

There are so many words in this world. So many words I love and I use every day when I open my laptop to write. However, I find it the hardest to write about you. I can’t pick one word to describe what I feel when I look at you. I can’t pick one word to describe how it feels to be loved and to love someone with such intensity.

I know that I have great qualities about me and I knew that before the first time I kissed you. But that kiss, our relationship, it has brought out the best person in me. I make a choice every single day to love you. I choose to devote and make promises to you. And I’ve learned that caring for you, Jaiden, only allows my passions to flourish—not die.

At the end of the day, I look forward to telling you my stories. Even though you get frustrated because I tell events in the wrong order sometimes. Seeing your smile as I excitedly fumble over my sentences is enough to make nothing else matter. Your smile brightens mine.

Thank you for holding onto me even when I had to say goodbye to go to a school where I felt was best for me. As difficult as being away from each other is, both of us make that choice to love each other through it all. You still support me through your own pain and that is something that a simple thank you will never be able to cover.

Long distance is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done because missing you kills me. It isn’t the same falling asleep with a teddy bear covered in your cologne. Turning over in the night and not being able to gently scratch your back, makes me unwelcome to sleep at all. But I hold onto your promises and your smiles. I hold on to the fact that one day I will be able to spend the rest of my life scratching your back in the middle of the night.

Long distance made me realize that every single moment I have to spend with you deserves to be cherished. It taught me to appreciate the love and support you give me and to never take a simple lunch date or good morning kiss for granted.

I want to spend forever with you, Jaiden. I could write for pages about that fact and I could go on about the ways in which you’ve shown me happiness. But the best part is, I don’t need to write fancy flowery words to describe the way I feel about you. I don’t need to write at all. All I need is you in front of me saying, “I choose you. Today and every day. Forever and always.”