We've all read the articles where men diss the best parts of women's fashion. Top knots and high waisted shorts aren't doing it for you? Good thing I don't take advice from someone with their pants around their ankles. Seriously though, why are our news feeds always overrun with articles hating on femme fashion when guys are some of the worst offenders? After all, there is no way my maxi skirt is worse than your ill-fitting suit.
1. Over patterned shirts
There is no world where it's possible to casually wear this shirt. Say goodbye, part ways - whatever it takes, please never don this type of shirt again. The eyes of people everywhere will thank you.
2. Tall socks
Why, just why? There is no place in the entirety of the galaxy where your tall socks are going to make me swoon. If anything, they'll make me cross the street in the middle of New York City traffic just to avoid your feet.
3. Snap-backs with suits
You did a good thing for this world donning that well fitting suit, you look professional with a side of handsome. Right up until you decided snap-backs are appropriate suit accessories. No. Just, no.
4. Cargo Shorts
You have come so far from the disco days of your parents, please don't ruin it for your generation. Put the cargo shorts in a slow burning fire and watch your love life light up.
5. Ill-Fitting Suits
Suits have power. Ill-fitting suits on the other hand, drag you into the trenches of ugly menswear - a hard place to escape. Take the three step challenge; get fitted for a suit, wear said suit, watch everyone around you rejoice. You literally have nothing to lose - except your bad taste.
6. Sexist slogan t-shirts
If you think belittling people via your clothing is acceptable or funny, you need a reality check.
7. Too tight skinny jeans
Unless you're going to start investing in male thongs, you'd be best to skip this trend. Forever.
Not to mention, the child bearing issues you may encounter as a result.
8. Square toed shoes
To be blunt - they give you clown feet. Are you a member of the circus? Has Wall Street begun hiring clowns for office parties? No? Then ditch the shoes.
9. Leather on leather
Are you David Beckham? No? Good, because even he can't pull of this look. Mix it up, add some jean to the mix, or something. The animals will thank you.
10. Sneakers with suits
Once again, a great start and horrible accessorizing. The only time this is acceptable is if you have a long, walk intensive commute. Then you change in office. Otherwise, why is this model posing like sneakers and suits are an up and coming trend? The day a man picks me up in sneakers and a suit, I'm going to start testing body temperatures for straight delusion.
11. Ill-fitting jeans
If your ankles are baggy or your underwear is hanging out, you need new jeans. Why is it that men fail time and time again to purchase clothing that actually fits? Please, next time, spend an extra five minutes and buy a smaller or shorter size. Or at very least, a belt.
12. Plaid shorts
Unless you are a tablecloth posing as a badly dressed human - leave the shorts in your grandfather's golf collection, where they belong.
13. Sports clothing when you're not at the gym
If you just worked out and are grabbing a quick bite, go for it. If you haven't seen the gym in months and just really enjoy pairing your basketball shorts and Jordan's with your button down, please don't. I would rather grab a 24 hour, non-stop, middle seat flight with a screaming baby by my side.
