The Nintendo Switch has been announced, and it’s going to be crazy. Crazy smart, crazy innovative, and, unfortunately - Crazy Expensive. And it’s coming out crazy soon! I need to save up 300+ US dollars (plus another 150 or so for an extra controller and both of the copies of Super Mario Odyssey I plan to buy) by the third of March! I’ve gotta make money - and fast - so I’ve come up with a couple of strategies to get some quick cash.

Selling my Old Baseball Cards

I have told several friends in private that I have “a pack a week habit.” They think I mean cigarette smoking. I do not. I have purchased one pack of Topps Premium Major League Baseball cards at the CVS every single Tuesday since 1999. I have several suitcases dedicated to them. I know not how much I can make for each card, but at the very least, the suitcases are in mint condition.

Birthday Checks from Grandma

Now my birthday isn’t until April but I’m banking on her hitting me with an early extension on the Birthday Check racket.

Selling one or both of my kidneys online

I am afraid of trying to figure out any of the hidden sites that will actually let me do so in their bylaws, and my body parts guy - for anonymity’s sake, I’m giving him the pseudonym “Drahcir” - is on vacation in France until like May. So, I’m going to have to do it myself, which should be okay, and I’m going to sell them on eBay as an “undisclosed free gift” with a mint condition Justin Verlander rookie card.

Working at a Job

It’s unorthodox, but I think if I try to work at a place offering a good or service, I can potentially make some money.

Lemonade Stand

The classic staple of the cash-strapped child. I will set up one table on the curb in front of my mother’s house, and I will charge $.25 for a glass of lemonade, and $1.25 for a glass of Premium Lemonade. Hoping the old “perceived value theorem” will aid me in boosting my profits.

Using a ruler to fish quarters and other small change out from under vending machines

This practice - known as Quincampoixing, named for the guy from the movie Amélie who does that - nets me an average of $3.28 per day. If I make that each of the next ~42 days or so, I’ll have $137.76 saved up, almost half of what I need!

It’s not going to be easy, but I’ll do it. Mario, and Zelda, and, like John Madden, I guess, need my help, and I’m prepared to give it to them.