The gay male population is often characterized by two subsets of men. You have "fems," or effeminate gay men, who are often described as being flamboyant, sibilant, and more in tune with their feminine side.
Then there are "masc" gay men, which is short for masculine. These gay men are often thought of as being passable as heterosexual, sometimes referring to themselves as "straight-acting." This binary grouping seems to be inspired by a heterosexual template, creating male and female roles in gay relationships.
People who are less educated about the social psychology of gender and sex may use these terms to better understand the interpersonal relationships between gay men. But in the community itself, these terms condemn gay men to stereotypes that make it more challenging to build substantial relationships.
As a fairly effeminate gay man, myself, I take pride in the spectrum of expression that comes with being a homosexual. I enjoy exploring new fashion trends, experimenting with makeup, and once having tried on heels at my old retail job, a situation that ended in me stumbling to my demise.
But many masculine gay men abhor these behaviors, and they wish to maintain a good standing with their heterosexual counterparts. No gay man wants to be shunned by his straight friends or made to be the elephant in the room when venturing to a regular bar.
The misconception arises when straight-acting gay men assume that their demeanor, mannerisms and speech will hide them from discrimination and oppression.
The image of the "masc" gay man has lived in our minds since the emergence of homosexuality in the mainstream media. Take Touko Laaksonen, a homoerotic artist whose fetish works marked an era.
Using the pseudonym Tom of Finland, the Finland-born visionary's art evolved from soft-core pornographic images of exceptionally fit men with augmented bulges, biceps and buttocks to more explicit images featuring homoerotic sexual acts. His works expanded upon the idea that masculine gay men had something that feminine gay men did not – the look. The idea of fetishized sailors, lumberjacks and police officers, whom gay men lusted after, became one of the central images purported by his art.
When one thinks of "fem" men, one is to assume that they are thin, or "twinks" (slender, hairless gay men), they are bottoms, or on the receptive end of anal intercourse, and they are less of a man. Fem men are constantly emasculated for their individuality, idiosyncrasies and free forms of expression.
We are made to feel like women, and if we seek romantic relationships or even friendships, we are banished to fairyland. Masc men will enforce that they are gay for a reason—they like men! Fem guys are just too womanly to be sexually attractive, too obnoxiously gay too be seen in public with, or too much like girls.
Art like Tom of Finland's is one of the major factors that contributed to the making of masculine gay men. We have been primed to worship their existence, emulate their characteristics and achieve their sexual success.
Even gay-social apps like Grindr, Jack'd, or Scruff promote their layout with profiles of men who look like body-builders. When surfing through these apps, we create unrealistic expectations of how the men we interact with should look. If they aren't tall or don't have huge pecks like Finland's alluring caricatures, then we may turn them away.
The point is the gay community has struggled immensely to achieve the same basic human rights and acceptance by the country that birthed us. We have fought to kill stigmas that set us back decades of progress. So within this community, we should be mindful of how we treat one another. We cannot expect unfettered love from the outside when it is far from present on the inside. It's about being mindful of our preferences, preferences that are pretty inconsequential. That muscled stud may not provide you with the emotional support and commitment that the shorter, more slender guy could. Think about it. What may be appealing to the eye may not always be the best option.
