Making It Through Break With Your Estranged Family

Making It Through Break With Your Estranged Family

Don't let them break you!
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After you have survived finals, it is time to go home. Going home requires interacting with family and while family is loosely defined in all other aspects of life. Blood relatives will always be the first to claim the title. Going home also means the holiday season. Putting on a face and interacting with your relatives, many of which you probably have not held a conversation with since this time last year. I am not going to tell you that it will be easy, but you will get through and if going home is dangerous for you, there are helplines and people throughout the country who would be more than willing to help you or at least listen to you discuss your troubles and feelings.

Do not rely on alcohol or other substances. A reliance on anything is unhealthy and can snowball into a real problem especially if what you are reliant on is illegal or you consume these substances and attempt to drive, you can endanger others as well.

Do not put all of your stress on your significant other or best friends. I understand that you need an escape but we are all experiencing a plethora of awkward and stressful family reunions and you do not want to or have someone resent you for your leaning on them.

Do set up boundaries, after finals, take a few days to yourself and unwind because unfortunately the holiday times can be a prolonged visit with just as much stress.

Trust yourself, no one has experienced exactly what you have or are going through. Comparing your life to that of others will accomplish nothing but frustrate you to your very core.

Remember that you can survive this. No matter how stressful or unhealthy your family can be, you have survived this far and you are here for a reason. You have accomplished so much in your life and nothing and no one can take that away from you.

Family is loosely defined and your family is much more than who you are related to. But, who you are blood related to will always be a part of you. And something that you will always have some ties to. Do not let your family or the holidays get to you or get the best of you. You are better than this and you most definitely deserve better than this.

Cover Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

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6 Signs You Need To End Your Friendship

Subtle ways to tell if your friend is a narcissist
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In your life, you will more likely than not run into people who do nothing but hurt you and bring you down. These people slowly become toxic to you, even if you don’t notice at first, and chances are they might be a narcissist. There comes a point where you will need to cut these individuals off for the betterment of yourself. If your friend does several of the things below, it might be time to reevaluate your friendship!

1. They are extremely self-centered

Everything this person does revolve around them. If it doesn’t help them out or make them look better they won’t bother with it.

Example: This person might come into your home/apartment to talk to your roommate and only acknowledge your presence when they want to brag about themselves to you, or only come over when they need something from you.

2. They feel like they are superior to you

Even if you have a better paying job or more fulfilling lifestyle, this person will always let you know that they are better than you. They are always in the right and will argue their point to the ground if need be. Because of this, often times they are quite condescending as well.

Example: Arguing with you on a topic that you clearly know more about and talking down to you in a demeaning tone.


3. They forever play the role of the victim

It doesn’t matter if they were actually the ones to cause trouble, these individuals will twist the story around and make sure everyone sees how “wounded” they are, convincing others that they are actually the victim. This person will consistently place the blame on other people.

Example: They might flirt hard-core with different guys in their room all night, but when their boyfriend breaks up with them it’s not because she blew him off for other guys, it’s because he was because he was being a jerk.

4. They are never there for you

Like mentioned earlier, if it doesn’t benefit them this person doesn’t care. If you need them or want to talk, they might leave you hanging. Emotional support will sound fake or not come from them at all.

Example: You might ask your “friend” to hang out only to find them blowing you off for no reason at all or for somebody else who is going to give them something in return for their time (party invites, food, popularity, etc). It isn’t uncommon for them to be deceiving about this and not often tell you their real reason for not wanting to see you.

5. They are two-faced

This individual can sometimes seem as sweet as can be upfront, but don’t tell them anything important, they might have a habit of using it against you. Trash talking you behind your back is also very common and to be expected.

Example: You tell this person something extremely personal and they turn around and immediately tell everyone they know, disregarding any promises made about secrecy.

6. They make you question yourself

Are they really a bad person, or are you just overreacting? Most of the time, these people know what they’re doing (either consciously or subconsciously) and use it as a tactic to manipulate you.

Example: Something you said with good intentions can be turned into an insult and that person may make you blame yourself for not saying the right thing.

If you go through this list and notice that you do every single one of these things to other people, then I hate to break it to you but you're probably a narcissist

Cover Image Credit: Photo by Ashley Williams from Pexels

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I Wish I Could Remember You More, Mom

I carry you with me; I carry you in my heart.
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It has been fourteen years since I lost you, Mom.

Fourteen years since I have heard your voice, seen you smile, or told you I love you.

There are some days I wish I could remember more. I wish I could remember what music you listened to, your morning routine, or your touch. It would be so easy to remember if I could press rewind and replay those one more time.

I was eleven years old when you were taken from me, yet it doesn’t seem like I was that young. Sometimes I get so angry for not remembering the small things. I will never know what your biggest dreams were growing up, how you became so passionate about art, or what your favorite song was. I will always wonder what your favorite childhood memory was, what you loved to cook, or what your biggest adventure was.

It has always been the little things I want back.

I don't remember every detail about you, but I am blessed to say I remember enough.

Because what I do remember, is vivid enough.

While I complained and whined about going to swim practice, you still managed to attend all my practices and meets in pain, barely able to walk.

While you and dad broke the news to me, you fought back your tears.

And while I was in denial and ignored the pain, you conquered it full on.

I keep these memories close in my heart. These might not be the best moments, but they are some of the most powerful memories on replay.

Sometimes I feel guilty, Mom. I should have been more loving. I should have done more for you. I should have appreciated more. I was just a careless little girl. I'm so sorry.

The night before you past, Dad told me your time was coming soon. We weren't very strong, Mom. It was the first time I saw Dad cry.

He told me to say goodbye, but I didn't want to. I tried my best to get out of it. I told him it wouldn't happen.

Not today, not tomorrow, and not in three years.

That night I told you I loved you, you told me you loved me back.

I heard many voices the next morning. Grandma referred to you in past tense as "the youngest one." Right then and there, I knew my goodbye was real. I hid under my covers Mom, hiding as best as I could. I did everything to avoid walking through my closed bedroom door. I will never forger the reality that hit me when Dad walked through that door.

That night was the last night we spoke Mom, the last time I saw you alive.

While there is so much I wish I could remember, I will never regret nor forget the time I said I love you one last time.

I will never rewind and say this was something I should have done.

I hope one day we will meet again, Mom.

Until then, I carry you with me; I carry you in my heart.


Cover Image Credit: Instagram

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