If you are looking for a “How To.." piece on how to make friends or to keep them, this is definitely not the piece you should be reading. Instead, this is my letter to those of you who struggle just as much as I do with making and keeping friends whether it is for the same reasons or not. Speaking from my own experience, this is something I am surely not very good at. I always get down on myself because of it being an insecurity of mine for so many reasons. But as I get older, I realize that it is more than okay to not have many friends or even be able to keep the few you have.

Growing up I was always told that I was a “leader" and that I don't really like to follow others. Well now that I am 22-years-old, I certainly have learned that I don't like to conform to what others are doing just because it is what you are “expected" to do. I was also taught growing up to set high expectations for myself, which ultimately set high expectations for those around me. But these things don't really sit well with other people who do tend to follow and conform to the majority, or don't have high expectations (if any) for themselves, and who don't have an open mind or want to use your own insecurities and life against you at the most vulnerable times.

In my life of 22 years, I have had many “friends" but only eight true friendships with people of both genders. And of these “friends" and friendships, I have lost the majority. But I remain distant with one, close with another, and only reconnected within the last eleven months with the last two. Of those I was closest with who I no longer have ties with, I shared many secrets and thoughts, including how difficult it is for me to make and maintain friendships. And of those people who knew that information, they also threw it in my face as a double-edged sword hoping to hurt me where it counted the most at such vulnerable times. I mean, yes I have been friends with many other people throughout different times in my life- I'm not THAT unsocial. But it was always very distantly because I never fit in with them. I didn't go around spreading each other's secrets, I didn't wear the right clothes, I didn't know the right things to say, I definitely didn't know all of the same people they knew.. I was always just a little bit outside of the circle from the rest (or at least that's what it felt like).

Now, this is not a letter so you all will feel bad for me. This is a letter simply saying that this is just a very brief summary of what friendships have looked like in my life. And as I know to be true, it is the same or similar for so many others. But the biggest thing is this- it is okay to not have many friends in your life. It is perfectly acceptable to be your own version of your self or to figure out who that person is without people around you influencing who you want to be or how you want people to perceive you. I don't have it all figured out, and I am still learning about myself every day. I don't have many people I call my “friends," but I do have a few real friends who I can always count on to be there and support me when I need them most.

Whether you struggle with making or maintaining friends because of social anxiety, personal insecurities, lack of social skills, fear of judgment, or whatever it may be- I promise you are not the only person who feels the way you do. And I am not going to sit here and tell you that “this" and “that" is how you should do things to find more friends because I just simply wouldn't know what to tell you since I still don't know.

But what I can tell you is that you have your entire life ahead of you, and you probably have things going on in your life right now that someone else has going on in theirs. Focus on developing the best person you can be, do things you enjoy regardless of how many people are involved, be blessed that you don't have to deal with the drama that groups of people bring to the table, and just wait for everything to fall in its place. You shouldn't ever allow yourself to be held back just because you don't have others around you to do them with. Sure, sharing the experiences or having the real friendships that you see pictured on Instagram look and sound great. But I promise that Becky and Patricia go at it every single day and JoJo has a crush on Vicky's boyfriend and everyone knows it so there is always tension. You will fall into place with your people at some point whether it be in middle or high school, college, grad school, where ever you find a job at, a book club, kids swimming lessons, or PTA meetings at the school.

As long as you are satisfied with yourself and like who you are, I think that in itself is a pretty good friend to have. Or you could just go out and buy all of the dogs in your city/county and you'll have endless friendships.