You know how it goes. You start school, take some classes, and declare a major along the way. After four years, you wear your gown and get your diploma. The storybook closes and everything is set in stone. Unless you're like me and change your major senior year of college.
So I guess it's not a total major change, but I have friends who have done that. I've had a five-year plan as long as I can remember: graduate, get my MAT and teach English in a high school. My first year in college, I declared an English major with a double minor in Music and Drama. Sophomore year, I declared my intent to enter the 5 Year Masters of Teaching Program, sort of making it a second major. Somewhere along the line, I grew disinterested in my classes and fell into a depression of sorts. As someone who never turns in homework late and is always on time, the first day, the first time I forgot about my paper should have been a sign. It wasn't.
It wasn't until I was sitting in my advisor's office and she asked me what my five year plan was that I realized I didn't know anymore. I cried, a lot, because it felt as if I wasted four years of my life. Until I realized I didn't. I've spent four years taking education classes, yes, but I also took English classes and Drama classes. I remember the feeling I get on stage every time: the joy and total bliss of being where I feel at home. I remember the feeling I get as I help to build a set or hang lights above the stage: the peace and comfort residing in the power tools in my hands. The way I look forward to theatre the way a little kid looks towards Christmas: with unbridled delight.
The gears set into motion as I left her office and it was within the week that I realized I'd been pushing my passion aside as a pipe-dream for too long: I want to go into theatre. Then came the phone call with my mom. And the tearful moments when she told me to never give up on my dreams. The moments where she told me she was proud of me no matter what. The moment where she told me to go into theatre if it is what I love. I met with the proper advisors and filled out the proper forms and within the week it was decided: I'm going into theatre.
It was a startling decision to say the least. I changed my whole life in a matter of days and there are times where I still catch myself telling people about the MAT program I'm looking at, when really I mean MFA (Masters of Fine Arts). It's hard to explain to people who have known me, and my five year plan, since I began college. It's hard to explain that yes, I have always wanted to do theatre professionally and no, I'm not sure why it took me so long to admit it. I'm afraid for what life has to come now, but I refuse to let my fear stop me. Not again.
I don't have a five year plan anymore. I'm not sure what I will do after I graduate, whether I get my MFA or get a job or internship in a theatre in Baltimore. But I do know one thing for certain: I will be happy. I changed my major in my senior year of college and it's not a decision I will regret or change for the world because I know, in five years, I will look back and wonder why I was so scared because I had a plan all along. I just couldn't see it yet.
