Am I the Only One?
As a young single Christian woman, the temptations of masturbation, pornography, and engaging in sexual immorality in dating relationships has been a constant attack on me since I accidentally came across pornography at a young age. I am deeply involved in my local church, the majority of my close intimate friends are Christians, and I have a close small group that will talk about anything from histories of past anorexia, to our complicated relationships with our families.
Yet, a few weeks ago when I asked for prayer because I was struggling with lust—not one eye in the room could meet mine. A tension filled the room, and one message was made clear to me: we don’t talk about that here. This experience mirrored many I have had with amazing, radical Christian women over the course of my life. We can talk about absolutely anything—except for lust. For years, I have felt like I must be the exception, that I am a part of a minority of Christian women who struggle with lust. But after looking at the statistics one thing is certain: Christian women struggle with lust.
It’s Not a Man’s Sin
According to the website Whole Women Ministries (2014), a survey of over 700 Christian women found that 40% identify themselves as being addicted to pornography. Of the remaining 60% that did not identify as addicts, more than half admitted they had struggled with porn at some point in their lives. Furthermore, of the 700 women surveyed, 87% stated that they masturbated, and of those women, 71% felt like it was out of their control.
So why does it even matter if Christian women struggle with lust? Contrary to the popular belief that looking at pornography, masturbating, or fantasizing sexually ‘doesn’t matter,’ the Lord has frequently stated otherwise throughout the Old and New testament.
“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.”
–Ephesians 5:3
“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister.
—Thessalonians 4:3-6
The verses above are just my two favorites. If you would like more, check out Job 31:11-12, Romans 8:6, Galatians 6:7-8, Romans 13:14, Colossians 3:5-6, or 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 for further study.
What Non-Christians Are Saying
If that isn’t enough to convince you, secular studies have shown the devastating impact lust, especially pornography, has on the shape and function of the brain. Time magazine (2016) recently published a cover story exposing the effects that watching pornography has on relationships. Many men and women report having decreased satisfaction in their sexual relationships after consistently viewing porn.
Furthermore, many people who were viewing pornography found that their expectations for their sex life shifted to mimic what they had seen in pornography, which often led them to be disappointed. On top of this, the average adult viewed pornography for the first time before the age of twelve by accident. Viewing this content at a time when the brain is still in development and essentially ‘plastic’ could have long-term effects on the way our brains view sexual relationships.
Stop the Silence
All of this boils down to the fact that struggling with lust matters. Lust impacts our relationship with God. It’s a sin that seeps into our lives and our relationships with God and makes us feel guilty, chained, and separated from him. Lust impacts our sexual relationships with our spouses or significant others. It impacts how we, as women, see ourselves, our bodies and our sexuality. In my years of fighting for purity, I have found it's the spiritual battle that threatens the way I see myself the most. When a Christian, man or woman, struggles with lust, they can be tempted to see themselves as broken, dirty, or shameful.
If 71% of Christian women feel like their masturbation habits are out of their control, then 71% of our sisters in Christ feel chained, dirty and shameful. If 55% of Christian women feel like their watching of pornography is out of control, that means their view of God-designed sex is marred, their spirits are discouraged, and they feel like they are undeserving of God’s love. The statistics say it all: this isn’t just a man’s problem. So now that we Christian women know the truth it’s time to draw courage from the Lord and start talking about lust. Let's throw off our fear, shame and embarrassment and tell our stories, struggles, and victories. Let's walk alongside those knee deep in the struggle against lust and help pull them out. Let's have the courage to be pulled out ourselves.
