When we look at ourselves in the mirror, who do we see?
Are you happy about the person you've become or are becoming?
It is an undeniable fact that it is crucial to be loved by others. People frequently say that we should feel comfortable with ourselves and love who we are too, but in this culture of digital media and validation through others, this is not stressed enough at times.
A person who cannot love themselves will never be happy, regardless of how many people in their lives are reminding them of their worth.
In the past, one of my best friends at the time (who for privacy purposes I'll call Ashley) would always be so doubtful of herself and constantly need my acknowledgment and the recognition of others to feel better about herself.
It's okay to seek this from friends and family at times, but in the case of Ashley, this was a constant need; a need she never could fulfill no matter how many times we would tell her that she was a valuable person. Ashley always blamed the world for her shortcomings and failures and could never take responsibility for her own actions.
She would try to find solace in the arms of boyfriends that didn't treat her correctly, but she would settle for them because she needed to know that someone out there saw potential in her. Throughout the near decade that I knew her, she needed a boyfriend to feel worthy. She even put up with abuse that she excused as regular behavior. This was not okay.
Watching all of this unfold, I did my best as a friend to not only provide advice but to let her know that self-worth will never be fulfilled through others but through oneself. Unfortunately, Ashley never did listen and only increasingly got into riskier relationships that eventually led to me having to cut her out of my life, but not before making one last attempt to provide opportunities for mental health counseling and self-love advice.
I was torn about this situation, but self-love is also recognizing that sometimes in order to be happy, you have to make choices you may not like. For you see, the entire time I was attempting to help, I was putting myself second, delving into other people's toxicity that only made me feel worse about myself.
It came to the point where I had to determine who was more important, and you should always be a priority in these circumstances. It was ironic that I was trying to tell someone how important it was to love yourself, but in doing so, worsening myself.
In life, people change, they come and go, and it could be intentional or unintentional, but it is the truth. There is one constant that always remains and that is you. Don't rely on other people to love you, don't let them be the only ones to hold you up, because when life becomes difficult and they may be unavailable, you don't want your entire foundation to be destroyed.
If you are a pillar of support for yourself, you can survive anything. Make sure to treat yourself to what you need and don't let others control it. Deep down we all know what we actually need, but we are clouded by desire and unhealthy perspectives. If you want to be in a relationship, make sure it is for the right reasons, and not just because you need someone to validate who you are.
It's important to love yourself so that you can be authentically you! As I said in a personal blog of mine once, "whatever the case may be, or whomever it may involve, in life, love and be loved, but love yourself always."
