Loving you started out great. You made me smile and laugh harder than many others. You made me feel special and important. You told me I was beautiful and sweet. It seemed like you recognized positive qualities in me that no one else had ever noticed.

Then, you changed. Or maybe you finally revealed yourself to me.

You pushed me aside. You easily replaced me. In your presence, something I'd always found comforting, I began to feel uncomfortable. Around you, a person who had always made me feel like I had a voice, I found myself going silent. You stopped trying to get to know me. You stopped telling me how much you cared. You stopped prolonging your act.

But then, when I started drifting away, or you wanted to be reminded of how much I still cared, you came back. Just long enough to pull me in again before stepping away once more.

You took advantage of me. How could I have known you'd turn the sweetness you praised in me into a weakness you’d use against me? How could I have seen how little you cared?

Sometimes, I wish I could hate you. I wish I could forget how much I care about you and toss all of that aside. I wish I could shut off my feelings for you. My life would be a lot easier if I’d never known you and never fallen for you. I wouldn’t have to deal with the heartbreak and the ups and downs you’ve brought into my life.

I’m sorry, but I’m not apologizing to you; I’m sorry for myself. I’m sorry that I let myself go through this again and again. I’m sorry that I fell into this vicious cycle, this trap that is your charm, and allowed myself to be swept away. I’m sorry that I thought you saw the good in me better than I saw it in myself.

I’m sorry that I kept trying to find a way to save you from all your self-doubts, when I should’ve been saving myself from you.

Unfortunately, I’ve been given the burden of loving you, but instead of tossing it aside, I'll find a way to carry it. No matter where we are now, you were a significant part of my life and my story and I believe I was once important to you.

Despite all the pain you caused and the mess you've made of my feelings, I wouldn't go back and erase our past, but I wish I'd been able to see where it all changed and went wrong. I wish I knew what happened to the person I thought you were.

I still believe there is good in you somewhere, and while I still love you and wish you the best, I now know I can't be a part of your life if it means putting myself through hell.