My mom always told me to find someone who loves me on my best days, as well as my worst. Not like when I’m in sweatpants and a hoodie compared to a dress and heels, but when I haven’t showered in days because I physically can’t get out of bed. When I stay up for hours on end crying for no reason at all. When I don’t want to see anyone for days because I feel safest curled up alone in bed. Love me at my lowest of lows, and be a part of my highest of highs.
I’ll have days where I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. Not because I’m tired, but because I physically can’t. That’s okay. Let me have these days. If I’m distant, don’t blame me. Really, it’s not you, it’s me. These days will pass. All I need is reassurance and to know that you’re a phone call away if I need you. I don’t need you to jump through hoops to make me feel better, I promise. A little reassurance goes a long way.
Some days, I will spend the whole 24 hours of that day reminding you how much I appreciate you in my life. This is considered a good day. Cherish it. Sometimes it lasts a few days, sometimes it lasts just one. When I feel happiest, I want you to know that you are a contributing factor to this happiness, don’t forget that. I will never leave you questioning your worth like I have long questioned mine. I would give you the world if I had the resources.
I may be sensitive and want to cry at the drop of a hat. You’ll think it’s your fault, but you’ve done nothing wrong. I’ll try my hardest to remind you that you’re not at fault for this. I’ll spend hours in bed crying, you’ll ask what’s wrong and I’ll say I don’t know. You’ll get frustrated but don’t. I truly do not know. You’ll try to cheer me up with cute animal videos or by making stupid jokes. Little do you know, your small attempts to cheer me up truly do make a difference.
I may not be the girl who always wants to go out and party. Sometimes I’ll want to stay in and eat pizza and fall asleep at 8. I may cry sometimes and I may not text you back for hours on end because I’m battling myself. I am trying, and you’re being patient. I may be a pain sometimes, but you won’t regret giving me a chance. For as long as you’re in my life, I will love you harder than you have ever been loved before, and I will never let you question your worth ever again.
