With the first anniversary of my great-grandma's passing coming up in August, I decided to touch on something this week that is very close to my heart.
Before my Grandma Ruby went home to be with the Lord, she was struggling with Alzheimer's disease. Alzheimer's is a condition where the mind begins to deteriorate. The progressive condition affects many aspects of life, but one of the most common problems associated with Alzheimer's is memory loss and confusion.
When I was 15 years old, I spent many weekends with my Grandma Ruby. We would cook chicken bog and green beans and watch television. At night, she would hint that she wanted something sweet then disappear to the kitchen. Moments later, she would come back in with two bowls of butter pecan ice cream or a handful of iced oatmeal cookies. Her favorites.
One night, as we were watching the news, she handed me an iced oatmeal cookie and asked how my older brother was doing.
I don't have an older brother.
"What did you say, Grandma?" I must have not heard her correctly. Yet again, she asked how my older brother was doing. Before I could respond, she asked about my daddy. She asked if he was still working at the plant and if he was doing well.
My dad doesn't work at a plant.
That's when it dawned on me: My Grandma Ruby thought I was my mother.
I remember being a little scared. How could my grandma know who I was an hour ago and be confused now? Then I remembered what my mom had told me a few weeks prior.
"Anna, if Grandma gets confused, don't try to correct her. It'll upset her and confuse her even more. Just remember it's the Alzheimer's speaking for her."
Uncertainly, I assured my Grandma Ruby that my older brother was doing fine and daddy was still working. She smiled to herself, pleased that her son and grandson were happy. She handed me another cookie.
When we were getting ready for bed a little while later, she came to the door of the guest bedroom to tell me goodnight.
"I love you, Anna. Remember to pray tonight before you go to bed. Okay?"
"Yes ma'am. I love you, too, Grandma."
Loving someone with Alzheimer's isn't difficult. They are still your grandma, grandpa, mom, or dad. You still have the memories of special times you spent with them and you always will.
The Alzheimer's disease is the hard part. It's not easy seeing a loved one drift farther and farther away from you. There will be days when they think you're someone else in the family or they might not recall you at all. However, that's when you step up, and hold the memories even tighter. Hold the past for them if they can't.
When my grandma was moved to hospice last year, I read to her from a book of Psalms because it seemed to calm her down when she was restless. I held her hand and prayed beside her. Finally, I took her hand and told her how much I loved her, how much we all loved her.
It didn't matter if she had gotten my name wrong sometimes or if it took her a few seconds to recognize me. She was, and will always be, my Great Grandma Ruby, who grew tomatoes, shared her cookies with me, encouraged me to pray, and above all else, loved me.
I know that one day I will be with Grandma Ruby again and we will stand at the feet of the Father together.
My Grandma Ruby is in Heaven and she has no pain, no suffering, and she isn't affected by Alzheimer's anymore. Just as the Lord promised.
Ruby Mae Jeffords
August 24, 1932 - August 24, 2015
Revelation 21:4 “ ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
