From the time we are born, we are introduced to the concept of water. We know it is something we need to survive but also something to keep us clean or even something to do to amuse ourselves. Most of us learn to swim when we’re still little children and we continue to do so for most of our lives.
Living with depression is often times similar to swimming, except our swimming pool is replaced with a deep ocean and our minds are only focused on staying afloat. We swim endlessly just to keep our heads above the water and not get sucked back in, but sometimes we’re too exhausted to fight anymore and the water grabs us anyways.
Loving someone with depression, loving someone who feels like this… It can be difficult, I’m not going to lie.
Loving someone with depression isn't the worst thing that could possibly happen to you. It's not something to dread or to laugh about with your friends and hope you never have to deal with that. It's not something we can control.
We will have bad days. There's no escaping that. We're going to have days where the world feels like it's caving in on us or we feel an empty ache in our chest where our hearts should be and all we want to do is sit in our rooms and not face anyone at all. We’re going to have days in which we won't text back or we won't smile as much if we even smile at all. We’re going to have days where all we want to do is cry. These days don't just last 24 hours. They can last for days or weeks at a time. We can't help it. It's part of the description.
Our bad days are not a reflection of you or how much you love us. Nothing you can do can cure our depression. There is no magic amount of love or comfort that can stop these days in their tracks and you need to remember that. Too often the world thinks that depression is just “being sad” and all you have to do to not feel that way is to “let yourself be happy”. Trust me, if that was the case, no one would ever feel this way again.
I’m not saying that your love won't do wonders. It will. It will be at least the tiniest ray of sunshine on a stormy day for us. We will appreciate you more than you know and we will love you with everything we have, but saying the words “I love you” will not turn off the depression.
Be patient. We're going to need it. When we fall we fall hard and sometimes we don't know how to get back up again. Sometimes we just don't want to. Stay positive in the light of us falling, because it will help us get back up again eventually.
Talk to us. Listen to us when we talk about our problems. Tell us when something we do bothers you. Tell us if you need time to yourself. There will be times we’ll need to be alone, so why can't you take those times too?
Depression is not us being over dramatic. We are not just sad or looking for sympathy. We are not drama queens or crybabies. Sometimes the world gets overwhelming and sometimes the littlest thing is the straw to break the camel’s back. When we cry, when we break down, we will show you a side of us that is so vulnerable it only comes out in the latest hours of the night. Treat us gently. Sometimes that's all we need.
Depression does not mean we are broken, so don't treat us that way. We are not broken dolls in need of some good glue or some tape. We may have cracks or pieces missing but we’re still us. We’re still worthy of love. Don't ever think we aren't.
Loving someone with depression can take a lot of energy and a lot of care. It takes a special kind of strength to carry the weight of someone else’s feelings and someone else's problems. It can be difficult. Take care of yourself, too. You don't want to crash and burn under the weight of someone else while still juggling the weight of your own problems. Talk to us. We still want to hear your struggles. We still want to help.
Loving someone with depression can be difficult. Loving someone with depression can be draining. Loving someone with depression can be the most beautiful thing you have ever experienced. But then again, isn't that what all love is supposed to be like?
