One thing that I am having a lot of trouble with during this time, is loving myself.

My seasonal depression was finally waring off, but now I am consumed with a different kind of depression. Let's call it the Pandemic Depression. I know, it sounds stupid. But, I think a lot of people can relate. While I am excited that the semester is almost over for me, I still have to worry about finals. Not only that, but find the motivation in myself to finish strong. And let me tell ya, it's rough.

I haven't been able to go to the gym and that has really impacted me a lot lately. My body is turning into a foreign object, and honestly, I'm not proud of it. Even though I have weights at home and am more than capable of going on a walk or run- I just can't bring myself to do it. I feel like I'm trapped inside a body that doesn't know how to move.

Another thing that has impacted me is not being able to go to church. I miss being in a community and being able to worship and sing. I miss feeling free. I miss finding my comfort in the church and knowing that I belong to the Almighty. I've been reading my devotional lately as well as my Bible. This has certaintly helped, but I continue to question why things are in the world. With these uncertainties of the world I am starting to have uncertaincies about myself.

Even though I am having a hard time with many things, including losing myself, I have found ways in which I can start loving myself again. The biggest one is turning to God.

I have to tell myself that I am important. A verse that I turn to is: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13. Even though I may not feel important or worthy, I remember to whom I belong. God loves me no matter what. I keep having thoughts that are telling me that I'm not pretty enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm not strong enough, I'm fat, I'm a slacker, etc. I try to remember that the devil is talking in my ear. God would never tell me these things. Instead, I need to listen harder and I can hear what God is telling me. He tells me that I am loved, I am smart, I am perfect the way I am, etc.

With COVID-19 still having a tremendous impact on our world, the only thing I can be sure of is God's love. It is honeslty the only thing that is keeping me going right now. Just because I feel that I am not succeeding and that my brain is telling me nasty things, I have to tune it out and try to remind myself that none of that matters. I am placed on this Earth for a reason and these troubles that are in my way (the virus, school, depression, anxiety) will not hold me back from being the best person that I can be.