I have never felt comfortable with myself. There is never a time when I have looked in the mirror and totally loved what I have seen. I am sure that no one totally feels love for what they see when they look at themselves but I struggled with it. Trying everything I could think of I joined the track team, requiring workouts everyday, I even tried not eating, which was all the hype while I was growing up. Now with my love of food, the not eating part didn’t last long, and I understood quickly that it does not help in the long run, nor is it healthy to do.

Headed into high school I began to love myself more, but still not enough to see my worth. Letting countless people throughout school treat me without the self respect that I knew I deserved. I allowed those people to take the love I had for myself away from me and It was not until I left high school that I left the terrible people behind. I started to focus on myself that I have started to learn slowly, how to love myself.

It only being my first year in college there is still a lot that I need to learn, academically of course, but also about myself. Meeting new people has allowed me to open up more and prove to myself that I deserve to be here. I have started taking better care of myself, with the constant going to the gym and dropping the sugar filled drinks. However, I have learned that the steps I needed to take to love myself were not all about how I look. I personally love a lot about myself, such as the way I treat people and how I am always ready to learn something new. There is way more to me than just my weight, clothes, or how long my hair is. There is nothing i’d love more than to change certain things about myself, but that is everyone I think.

I am perfectly happy with being who I am in this moment, focusing on school and friends, on my way to being an amazing writer and occasionally going to the gym. I still have a lot to learn about myself, but I have come to understand that it all takes time. There is no magic fix for the things that I wish for in life and no matter how hard I try to become the person I want to see it will not be good enough for everyone. Trying to please everyone will never work, and therefore the only person I can please is myself. It has taken me over eight years to figure out how to make any steps towards loving myself and I am sure it will be many more years before I can wake up and look in the mirror and love everything about myself. If that day ever comes I will greet it with joy. However, I will always recognize and be mindful to the fact that I had to take the hard road because there is no loving yourself quick video that gives you step by step instructions. We are all different and we will all learn to love ourselves in different ways.

I am happy with where I am now because I have finally taken the time to sit down and learn to love myself, and that is something that I will never let anyone take away again.